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I want a new life.

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Im really just overwhelmed by my life, when I wake up I sometimes cant believe im who I am. I know people have it worse than me but I feel like life has been really unfair to me. Im not depressed over a girl, or over some other stupid thing that people seem to be so caught up on. Im 22 years old and I look like im 15 years old. I weigh a 120 pounds and im 5'9, I have the smallest bone structure of anyone i've ever seen my age. My mother has the same body type, and I just think im never going to fill out. I cannot gain weight no matter how much I eat, maybe im not trying hard enough? It's so depressing everyday seeing my younger brothers all twice my weight, wearing whatever they want and everything fitting them. Im tired of people looking at me and more than likely thinking im some crackhead or something, when I dont even drink. I have never been in love, its depressing seeing my brothers bring home their girlfriends everyday and here I am the oldest son that just sits in his room all day. I have something wrong with my stomach, it makes me burp all the time, makes my heart pound and sometimes makes me throw up, after spending money that I dont even have to begin with the doctor did'nt find anything wrong with me. I fear my gums are receding, my teeth are alot bigger than they used to be but the dentist is'nt concerned... he just blows it off as me being paranoid when I have the molds that were took of my teeth 3 years ago and there is a big difference in the size of my teeth. I also have bad breath, when I ask the dentist about it he just says to keep doing what i've been doing... what kind of advice is that? Another thing about my teeth is their yellow... yeah yellow I dont know why I brush them, I take care of them, I've paid X amount of money on the newest laser treatment or whitening gel and nothing works. I guess if I ever really want to smile i'll have to pay 10k+ plus dollars for verners that i'll have to have replaced in 10 years. I pay all this money that I dont have... I dont even have a full time job. I work maybe 1 day a week if im lucky and they the doctors just take my money and do nothing for me. I have terrible anxiety, I have trouble sleeping at night and I always feel like shit. I have funnel chest, I have a freakin bowl in the center of my chest and it looks so bad, and you know how much that costs to have fixed? I saw estimates of 20k dollars. lol 20k dollars to just be able to have a chest like everyeone else? If I spent all this money that I dont have, then I could be normal like everyone else? Thats a crock of shit. I have no desire to do anything in life anymore. I know I need to decide what I want to do and go back to school, but I cant imagine doing anything that I would like. The army did'nt take me because of my anxiety and I just dont know what it is I want to do with my life. I have nothing to offer the opposite sex, I really dont even have that much of a desire anymore. It just seems like so much to overcome, when theres such an easier way out. My plan was to join the army and die overseas a hero, but that dream was shot down, shot down because I saw someone for my anxiety because of something someone did to me. Why could'nt I have been dealth a better deck of cards? I mean should I even have any hope? Whats the point of it? So in 5 years after spending so much money on this and that trying to take care of what life has gave me I can look and be like everyone else?


Antiquitie's Friend
You know what ?

You are like eveyone else !!!

Every body feels that way about their body at some stage !!!

As for being small and looking young.

1. This can be down to poor diet, malnutrition can delay the onset of puberty and its later stages effect by many years, at 22 I had a beard and had to shave every day.

2. My best friend, was 5ft nothing at 15, and was given human growth hormone, by the age of 17 he was almost 6ft, mind you he complained alot of growing pains while having the treatment !

3. You could be diabetic, a workmates brother in law, is 27 and very small for his age, he gets stopped so many times by the police, he has been iussued with a special ID card, because he doesnt look old enough to drive. He just dated younger girls, he's getting married next year !

I'ld pay good money to be short and skinny, instead of tall and fat.
I'ld pay good money to be short and skinny, instead of tall and fat.

That is complete and utter bullshit. Im so sick of people that have never even see how small I am say how they wish they could be short and skinny. You fat people...most of you are just to lazy to run and eat right. Fat people have large bone structures, you lose weight and you look good ususally. I cant even wear a watch becuase its too big for my wrist. Its impossible finding clothes that fit me. The so called "professionals" that I have seen have just took my money and done nothing for me. I have trouble eating alot, I've been trying to eat 4k caloires a day but since I now have acid reflux, my stomach gets upset easily and I end up getting sick. Life, my life anyway is a joke. I'll be 23 in a couple days and I just cant imagine living another year or more being the same size, same way I am. Im really tired of it. I've been thinking for the past month on how me just ending it would effect my family. Im starting to think they would get over it. And I am not like everyone else, most everyone is born with white teeth, they might not be straight or even but 99% of everyone have white teeth. I have never fully smiled, unless im alone. Nothing I have tried was worked, all the otc products, the dentist products, the dentist 500 dollar laser treatment, nothing worked. So if I want to have a smile, like you people have had ever since you were born, im going to have to live with the discomfort of having veners, and im going to have to pay what it costs to buy a new car for it only to have to pay again in several years when they have to be replaced. Im sorry to rant and bitch, but im just really sick of it all. Im not looking for anyones pity, I just want an honest response from people if all of this trouble to achieve what most people have is even worth it in the end? After all the years i'll have to fight to try and be somewhat normal, and after so much trouble it does'tn seem like it would be worth it.


Antiquitie's Friend

Like I don't know what it's like to be short and thin, you can't know what is like to be tall and fat, but it's not worth going into that issue.

Ok, here is what you want to hear, yes get every thing changed, in few years you could be taller, bigger, stronger, have pure white smile, be that magazine cover guy.

But will it really make any difference, you'll still be the same person on the inside, you'll still think the same thoughts, still have the same problems, still be living the same life.

In five days time, it will be 1 year since a friend of mine was killed on his way to work in car accident, I was literaly 2 minutes behind him when it happened, he was very short, 5ft nothing, but he had a loving wife and 3 children, if any thing his being small, made him live a fuller life than most.

We all want some one to come along, wave a magic wand and make everything better, but it's not going to happen, because deep down inside is where the trouble lies, in us, not in the world, or in magazines.

Look around the place and you'll see tall, short, fat, thin, ugly, hansome, black, white, gay, straight, single, married, young, old, all sorts of people, all living happy lives. So If all those people can be happy with who they are, reguardless of what they are like, then why can't we ?

May be thats something we all need to think about.
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