I want her with me instead

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by ArgumentGuy, Nov 15, 2012.

  1. ArgumentGuy

    ArgumentGuy Active Member

    So, I know this girl. I like this girl. A lot. And, last I heard, she liked me, too.

    We could have been a couple. But we didn't, because I live 100 miles away from her. For now.

    She's with someone else now. Someone she's been with before. Someone whose hurt her before.

    I look at the type of guy she's into, and the various things that attract her to a guy. I fit 95% of her turn-ons. I look back at our conversations, and our chats, and I see such a chemistry between us. It's freaky how alike we are, and how compatible we are with each other.

    But she's with someone else. And it absolutely kills me.

    In early June, I'm moving back closer to her. (And no, I'm not moving because of her.) It's going to be the longest, toughest, most painful six months of my life.

    Like I said, she's been with this guy twice before. And he's hurt her both times. And I can't stop thinking, "How is it that he deserves a third chance when I don't even get one?"

    I can only hope that she's not with him anymore when I go back. But if she is, and she's happy with him, I won't stand in her way.

    But damn it, man, I want her with me...
     
  2. Wispiwill

    Wispiwill Well-Known Member

    I would guess - location. If you were on the scene, you'd probably get that chance. Hopefully you'll find out in June. Good luck.
     
  3. CogitoErgoSum

    CogitoErgoSum Member

    I think you're making the right approach or at least have the right mind-set! Great job!

    Have you met her in person? You can only go as far with cross globe communications! But I guess you already know that :wink:

    I however do not believe that you should totally give up on her. I'd say be her friend and let everything escalate to the point where it's supposed to become more sexual (say you're talking for 20 minutes and it's become pretty deep, you're touching hands and knees and it feels right) and then you break off, start over building more rapport. I'd say that will give her the chance to reconsider without it feeling forced wouldn't you agree ;) ?

    Also I'd recommend you start considering other girls as well, just in case it doesn't happen and also because you'll get a different reaction from her seeing you interact with other women.

    Best of luck! Keep us posted!

    /M
     
  4. ArgumentGuy

    ArgumentGuy Active Member

    Yeah, we've met in person. We work together for a couple of months every autumn; that's how we got attracted to each other in the first place.

    And we've already had sex. She came out to visit me, and we talked about what our relationship was, and she told me she didn't want a long-distance relationship. We wound up sleeping together that night, in spite of it. Although, now, I'm not entirely certain it wasn't 'I'm sorry' sex.

    And I know I should be open to others, and I am. But I keep thinking about how alike we are, and how right we would be for each other, and it just kills me. I see her going out and doing fun and exciting things, things that I would love to do, and it absolutely rips me apart.
     
  5. Percarus

    Percarus Account Closed

    Fixation on someone can be such a terrible thing... I generally have a rule, if 'it' is taken then don't even dwell on it. Best to let it go and maybe get her to arrange to hook you up with one of her friends if she still cares about you so much.
     
  6. ArgumentGuy

    ArgumentGuy Active Member

    So, a couple of weeks ago, the girl that I'm in love with (the subject of this thread) broke up with her boyfriend. In two days, I'm moving back to Minnesota. The timing couldn't be more perfect, right?

    Wrong. About a week ago, she picked up some other guy. I lost my chance again. A WEEK BEFORE I WAS SET TO GO BACK!

    I can't do it. I can't sit back and watch the perfect girl just up and forget me. It makes me physically ill to watch it happen. People keep telling me to forget her, to move on and find someone else, but I can't do it. Relationships don't happen for me at the drop of a hat, and with this girl with someone else, I've lost my last chance at romance this decade. I can't forget her, I can't move on.

    I hate this whole thing. All I want is a chance. And I don't know what to do now.
     
  7. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Getting annoyed or upset over her choices that she is entitled to make, isn't something that you should do because you have no rights to influence her decisions. yes it hurts when someone who we have strong feelings for is with another person, but what can we really do about it?

    Having said that, if you want to waste time waiting for something that could never happen (it's a possibility), you could destroy yourself inside and out and miss other opportunities where the % chemistry could be higher than 95.

    Have you ever actually told her how you felt? Because I wouldn't have thought that she can read your mind, and she possibly sees you as a best friend/brother which may be why she's not considered you. Quite frankly anyone who gets a new bf within a week of ending the last one isn't really in a settle down phase.

    Relationships don't happen too well for me either, but the best ones I've had are the ones I've been friends with them for a while before but actually told them how I felt as well.

    I just wonder if it's worth holding on for the chance when you don't help yourself (getting physically ill), and wearing yourself down over it with that possibility of no chance. Are you also away from where she is a lot? That would influence it for her decision.