Please understand, I do not "need" it all. I do not need nearly all of it to be happy. But I want it all. I want love. I want a family. I want friends - I want to be able to put a bunch of people in a room for a party if I choose to. I want to not have to be alone unless I choose to. I want a career - specifically I want my own business. And I want to employ people. I want to create the kind of working environment that inspires people and excites people. Of course not all the time, but at least some of the time. I want to be in a position to give people chances where they might never have had them. I want to write a book. And have it published. I want to learn to ride. I want to own my own home. I want to feel beautiful. Not always - but sometimes. I want to be fit enough to run if I choose to. I want to learn to dance. I want to go to wonderful places and share them with someone amazing. I want to start a charity that makes hundreds and thousands of lives just a tiny bit better. I want to be in a play in a real theatre. I want it all. And so much of it is near enough I can almost see it - almost touch it. And I am scared that 'almost' is the closest I will get to any of it.