I want it all...

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Freya

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#1
Please understand, I do not "need" it all. I do not need nearly all of it to be happy. But I want it all. I want love. I want a family. I want friends - I want to be able to put a bunch of people in a room for a party if I choose to. I want to not have to be alone unless I choose to.

I want a career - specifically I want my own business. And I want to employ people. I want to create the kind of working environment that inspires people and excites people. Of course not all the time, but at least some of the time. I want to be in a position to give people chances where they might never have had them.

I want to write a book. And have it published.
I want to learn to ride.
I want to own my own home.
I want to feel beautiful. Not always - but sometimes.
I want to be fit enough to run if I choose to.
I want to learn to dance.
I want to go to wonderful places and share them with someone amazing.
I want to start a charity that makes hundreds and thousands of lives just a tiny bit better.
I want to be in a play in a real theatre.

I want it all. And so much of it is near enough I can almost see it - almost touch it.

And I am scared that 'almost' is the closest I will get to any of it.
 

flowers

Senior Member
#4
Freya, I want you to have all you want. Your list is wonderful ! Just as you are wonderful. I will ask for this for you. From my heart to yours, I hope you get it all :pinkheart:
 
#5
Freya you are smart and capable. You can do this and can set out to get what you want to achieve. Look how far you have come already. The fact you even have a plan of what you want is such a potent step. I find your goals admirable, having spoken with you I know you have the drive to succeed against the odds. Just be aware it will be hard there will be frustrations and failures and set backs, you must not allow yourself to take them personally as if your dreams are being shattered and you are incapable. You have to soak those up and persevere. Just like you persevered with some of your harder to engage with students. You have to nurture yourself in the same way.

I have looked into other entrepreneurs and many fail at first but learn from those failures and try again. It is like my friend who wants to be an artists and complains at me he can't draw hands well. I tell him to draw more hands, but he does not want to because they look bad and that demoralises him. I tell him his hands do look bad, more like banana fingers. But every artist that set out and became amazing started with drawing banana fingers. If he quits now because he keeps drawing bad hands he will never get a live stream going where he takes commission bids that can pay his rent. He has his dream but he demoralises himself from achieving it. By looking at how well others do at not drawing banana fingers and their grands worth of commissions and god like photoshop skills. He sees each bad hand as a failure. Not an incremental step towards drawing good hands. I told him to start his live stream now and keep on pestering him to draw hands. Sure they look like hot dogs now but he just earned his first £10 from his stream. This incremental step towards his dream has given him greater confidence. This is the food against perceived failure. Which he shares with the other aspiring artists who have started drawing their own banana fingers. This now has started to become a little community of artists that suck, but wont for long.

You are starting down the path of incremental steps now. I relate with your fear. But you want what you want. To not have what you want is pain and you know this well. That pain needs to be a motivator not a detriment. Not something you slip back to when shit goes wrong as it invariably will. Please do not get in your own way. You have too much to offer to fall short out of fear.
 
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