I want it/need it

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by AbusedandIgnored, Dec 29, 2011.

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  1. Hi Everyone:

    I want to start cutting again I miss it so much its was helpful. It was the only way that I felt better

    Since I am new here I will say more about my problem with cutting:

    Here it is:

    When I was in the 7th grade I was absolutely miserable bullying was very very bad. I had been considering ending my life. I actually came close a few time one time I got a knife and sat in my house thinking about it wishing that I had the nerve to just do it I could think of a reason to not do it as much as I tried to think of a reason not to do it I couldn't at the time I was being abused, bullied.

    So after the 7th grade was over I felt a little better but then the 8th grade started I made it about 1/2 way through the year and I totally lost it I went into the bathroom and I cut with some scissors that I found in my science class and I felt better I was able to get through the rest of the day but it was not much different at home so when I got home I was being harassed to and I cut again. I was punishing myself. I remember saying to myself how I am a loser, how no one will ever like me as a friend or anything else, that i should just kill myself and relieve my family of a mistake like me thats all I ever wanted I only wanted to die. Thats it.


    Currently I am struggling with the urges to cut I want to cut. I need that relief again. I need to feel pain I need to feel that I am still alive.

    I have not cut in 5 months. I don't want to give that up but at the same time I want to cut :(
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    This is so sad. The kids who bullied you should be punished, not you...I used to SH because I felt useless and without a voice...it was not until I realized that it was not me who was mean, and damaged that I could process why I did it, and began to stop...please know how valuable you truly are and when you harm yourself, you are harming someone who should be regarded, not injured...please PM me if you would like to continue talking about this..and please stay safe
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