I want it to end

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Hei King Lai, May 1, 2016.

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  1. Hei King Lai

    Hei King Lai New Member

    There are many times where I wanted to commit suicide, I cannot feel any hope anymore. The pain is unbearable. I'm only fifteen, and here I am, having the same thought again. My parents all blame stuff on me, they never really cared about how I feel. My mother wanted to kill me, but was stopped by my brother, she actually brought in the knife to my room ready to strike, I'm so scared. I just want this pain to go away. The only person I feel comfortable talking to is unavailable right now, and I have never felt so helpless, I just want to end it all, then I don't have to feel the pain anymore.
    Last night, I had an argument with my mother, it started off quite nice, since I have to do whatever they say, my dad called me to scrub the toilet and I did, but my mum doesn't like the idea, and she scold me for not telling her what my dad had asked me to do. Then she went on accusing the things that I haven't done - stealing, harming her physically. But I know she had done those things, she had beat me on a regular basis, but I was to cowardly to turn to anyone for help.

    I tried to ignore them, just to exist a bit longer, but I guess it is time when it has to end, I know they wanted it to since they have starved me for the whole day. they haven't allowed me to eat or drink anything for the whole day, the reason I am able to enter this help site is because I have hid my laptop and phone and wallet under my pillow all the time.

    I have never felt so helpless, so lonely, I felt like the lie has drained out of me, I am no longer living, I am merely just existing, there is nobody who cares about me, there is nobody who love me, there is nobody who are willing to help me.
  2. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Well, i will be just straight forward with it.
    By law your parents have to take care of you, which sums to several meals, a bed to sleep on, a roof over your head and some commodities.
    You may ask for more but they dont really have to give you more then that.
    Also the law protects you, from any form of physical or psychological abuse, i would recommend you to contact child support,
    you shouldn't be afraid, they are professional and supportive and they know how, even if it sounds weird, emotional dependent you are on your family.
  3. Beautiful Disaster

    Beautiful Disaster Forum Buddy SF Supporter

    Please talk to someone who can get you help. You deserve that, you deserve better. Things can get better and people do care. More than you probably think. But if you feel like noone cares, step up for yourself and take care of yourself by talking to someone. That is a huge thing to do, and way easier said than done but it will be worth it. You are worth it.
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    It sounds like an awful situation to be in

    Can you go to the authorities or any other relatives? It sounds like very unhealthy living conditions to you.
    Is there a national child helpline you can call to report these things?

    Please reach out and get some help. You don't have to hurt yourself, you need to get out of this situation safely
  5. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. I agree with Summer Rain, your parents needed to look after you. I am saddened that you are being mentally abused at your age. You should be enjoying your teen years. No doubt when you are in your room you cry for help. Please do not think you are alone, we are here for YOU. YOU are young and YOU are important. You need to speak to someone but please keep posting here.

    No doubt, if you tell someone, there will be repercussions such as you going to state care or being accused of breaking up the family or accuse of telling false lies. We all BELIEVE YOU and no doubt you are under immense pressure from the continuous abuse.

  6. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Alumni

    I agree. You should report your parents to the authorities. You are obviously dealing with abuse, and in fear of your life. Authorities would investigate and might remove you from that environment. In the meantime, do you have friends or other family you could stay with. But please dont harm yourself. You are rapidly approaching adulthood and a time when you can move out and be on your own. It probably seems a very long time away to you right now. It would to anyone living in your circumstances. But it really is close. Grab on to the thought of reaching adulthood and leaving your family behind forever. In the meantime, do seek help from the authorities. You should not have to live under these conditions.
    bobbob likes this.
  7. Hei King Lai

    Hei King Lai New Member

    Thanks a lot, I am still afraid to tell the authorities but I did tell my eldest brother (adult) and he threatened my parents that if he is informed by me of any harm they do, he will not hesitate to call the authorities. Right now, they are leaving me alone. The advice you guys gave me really helped me pluck up the courage to tell my brother. Thanks again.
  8. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Alumni

    Congratulations on telling your brother. Be sure and give him a great big hug for helping you.
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