I want it to end

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Breathe, Mar 5, 2010.

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  1. Breathe

    Breathe Well-Known Member

    I want to die.

    I want it to end.

    I want some peace.

    I dont want to struggle and fight for my life.

    I cut myself more than usual this morning...
    But its not enough.
    Never enough.
    Cant cut deep enough, can't draw enough pain and blood to soothe my inner pain..

    I want it to end.

    Family and friends will get over it eventually.
    It will hurt at first for them but in the end they will move on and i will become a old memory. A once upon a time, a long time ago tale.

    Cant feel the cuts anymore, my body is used to the pain. Need to cut harder.

    Suppose <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> will be a good way. If i can tolerate the pain then it should be easy. I'm home alone till 3 so i have a fair good few hours.

    Then there are <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>... but i think i need a fair few more to be safe. Tried meds before never enough and i ended up just puking and loosing conciousness. Need alot more. <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> isnt a good mix right? Maybe i should take it down with some vodka or something else strong.

    Hmm been a while since i planned my own death. I'm not panicked or sad. I've accepted this is how i am going to die, or at least a high possibility that i will become the own cause of my death.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 5, 2010
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Your family and friends won't get over it. It would hurt, but it would continue to hurt them. The pain of losing someone to suicide doesn't go away.

    Can you talk to us about what's wrong?
     
  3. CloudCatching

    CloudCatching Well-Known Member

    As WildCherry said, getting over someone's suicide isn't easy and it'll probably never happen. That's a devastating thing to go through and to put someone through that isn't exactly fair to them, but living in a life that hurts you isn't fair to you. It's a lose-lose situation and that's as far as honesty get me, but there is always hope, things could always be worse no matter the problem. Even if it's just the final straw that broke the camels back.

    So, please, we're here to talk and I don't mean to sound so rude or off-putting, but giving advice at 6 in the morning isn't exactly my strong point.
     
  4. LSD

    LSD Well-Known Member

    you know.. sometimes it hurts to see your words and thoughts written by someone else
    ... its just weird.. and sad

    i felt just soooo like you when i were your eye...
    tried.. some times and nothing happened
    .. i started to wonder why im so unlucky that i couldnt even die

    when i saw my mom cried after she found me cut.. i started to realice many things
    dysfunctional and all..but they are my family
    nobody gave them a parental guide they are humans
    they make mistakes and they are trying to do the right thing.. acording to them..but they are still trying

    my brother died like when he was a baby .. and no.. i havent get over it

    i bet my sisters and my parents will never get over it

    today.. breathing still hurts but still..
    i dont want to hurt them
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You want the SADNESS gone the PAIN gone you want PEACE not death
    You can get help call crisis and go to hospital where they will help you cope until these thoughts end. Depression is treatable it is you thoughts are all distorted with meds and therapy you can find peace okay. Read the post of people who have lost someone they DO NOT get over it I am not over the suicide of my brother god i live in pain everyday blaming myself everyday WE donot ever forget I am so sorry you are in pain but there is help call crisis okay call your doctor get treatment and start healing okay I hope you can reach out again as you have done here so you can get the peace you are looking for
     
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I am sorry you are in so much pain but please seek help....don't hurt yourself....
    your family will never get over it..it will hurt them more than you can even imagine....
    I am from both sides of the fence...I suffer with depression and have lost my only son to suicide.....
    trust me ....your family will suffer...
    I don't want you to be in pain either so talk to someone,,,,a doctor , a therapist, a crisis line..your parents...anything to help you get through this..
    we care so please keep talking...
     
  7. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    I'm so sad that you are so willing to let life go Breathe. I hope you can counter those negative thoughts that would have you leave this earth when you are so important.
     
  8. I know how you're feeling. Sadness has been with the human family for thousands if not millions of years now. Both of my parents committed suicide. I wish I could have been there for them. But, unfortunately I didn't know how to be until it was far too late.

    I hope you are feeling a bit better since you posted this. Feel free to contact me if you'd like a listening ear. I think the person above who wrote that what you want is to be rid of the pain and sadness, not the miraculous life you have in this grand universe. In reality, minus all of our thoughts about things, we have a pretty astounding little thing going on here: a portion of the universe has come out of the universe and is aware OF the universe. And you, my good friend, are that.

    So, I hope this all might help. I know it's hard. I know. And you have every right to feel the way you do.

    Much peace,

    Billy
     
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