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i want it tp end. i have tilif.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by icequeen, May 23, 2011.

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  1. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    i dont care, i hate eligfe
    killme mnow
  2. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    what happened queen? Want to talk?
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi you please post okay let us know whats up please stay safe okay hugs
  4. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    exposure is screwing with my head, i emailed my therapist early hours this morning and he suggests i have therapy whichh is good for me. had session with drug and alcohol peeps this morning which went better than thought but still want to quit.
  5. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Im glad that things went okay for the counseling part. Its not easy I know, your doing the right thing with helping yourself out.

    Can I ask, how long have you been clean for? Have you found something to replace the alcohol with? For me thats the biggest thing is to find something that gives me that same feeling, the only thing that has come close for me is walking. I know it sound stupid, but its the truth, walking puts me in the peaceful state of mind.
  6. tweetypie

    tweetypie Antiquities Friend

    You are doing so well! its going to get alot worse before it gets better but you will come out of the other side a more whole human being ! *giant hug*
  7. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    thats just it i am not clean..even alc counsellor isnt sure now is the right time for them to get involved and will speak to therapist to see when is best time for themto get iinvolved. in the meantime she has offered auricular acupunture and is going out of her way to get me in this week. friend today shocked me and plucked up courage to ask if he ws right when he thought i was going to throw myself into see on the rocks on walk yesterday. i couldnt lie, he said was writte all over my face. dont know why now particularly i am struggling, no significance in the dates.
  8. Please don't give yourself any deadlines.. Give yourself some time and let the professionals (your drs, therapists and the counsellors) help you.. Let the medicine (if prescribed) some time to work also.. Just remember to come here and keep posting and let us provide you the emotional support that you need to tide over this.. suicide is not the solution.. Give yourself some time.. :hug:
  9. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    The auricular acupuncture is well worth a try - I would not really worry as its just a needle in the ear - funny thing is, some people are really helped by it.

    As for the drugs and drink - what is your choice of drug?

    Glad your friend noticed how you were feeling - that helps having someone out there you know. Even if just one living soul knows about how you feel - it makes for a better life.

    Sometimes we get stuck in a rut - depression can do that - but know the enemy - and you'll learn that depressions natural environment involves just you and it alone. Depression is the ultimate party pooper - its their party and they will tell everyone else to leave if they want to.

    Depression pretends to be your friend - after all who knows you better than your own mind which in turn is used by depression which can throw up all the negatives we have and suppress the positives.

    Anyone NOT thinking of getting treatment for it is lining themselves up for a shock. I tried to hide, tried to run, tried to ignore it and used a variety of techniques, some good, many destructive - i.e. illegal drugs and the shallow relationships we evolve around when pretty much high most of the week - excluding sleep and a Clean Wednesday, well, clean in the sense you only stayed in a took a load of class b drugs.

    Everyone crashes - some better than others. Sometimes the air bag goes off - you see the wreckage of your life - drag yourself up and get clean. Some have no such luck - with drugs, especially the harder ones, you could easily die on or build up an addiction which has no real crash if you keep taking them.

    I guess sooner or later you can come to the point were you cannot cope with the pain. At that point you got to get some help - overcome your own doubts and try to just give things a go in the hope they can work.

    I've known too many people who committed suicide - I look at their lives, the reasons they had - and always tend to think "If only they had let me know".

    People kill themselves, maybe thinking they will be forgotten. you never forget though. I'm in my late 40s but remember with clarity the poor young man who committed suicide the day after he came to my families home and had an haircut (we had one of those barbers razors, basic man's haircut measured in mm.)

    His reason was a women - he was only 16 or 17 - but he took losing this women so hard that he went home and hung himself. Found the next day.

    He was handsome enough - decent lad as we might say - quiet but polite. I know that he had a life waiting for him IF he had maybe had someone to talk to that night. No internet back then - imagine just having thoughts of suicide and NOBODY to tell you anything about how this feels or what you can do.

    The internet is a beautiful thing - maybe many don't feel that way but at least on this forum we have a genuine community that helps people at a time when help can be a life saver.

    Don't keep your feelings inside - I mean, some feelings are yours and your alone - keep them locked up in your heart - but if you feel like you want to die - please tell someone before that thought just becomes a fixation and the constant exposure to it grinds you down.
  10. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist


    I hope your night went better for you and perhaps you were able to get a little bit of rest.

    Peacelovingguy put everything so eloquently and my brain is mush tonight.

    big, big hugs.
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