I Want My Life Back!!!! (please Reply And Help Me Out Here)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ipromisei'llcomebacktoyou, Jan 18, 2008.

  1. do you ever feel like you've become the worst version of yourself? well i do.
    every single day my family complains about how bitterly unfair they're lives are. all they is complain and complain. every time my mom yells at me i get nausious. when she yells at me on the way to school i have to walk into school with tears in my eyes! im tired of crying and im tired of being naucious! everytime something good happens, something goes terriblyyyy wrong. all they do is say, " well nikki you should be like me.. do eveyrthing like me, be like ur aunt, be like ur sister, be like ur grandma, be like ur cousin, be like ur grandather", but never in my life has someone said to me, "nikki just be yourself". im not good enough for anyone. not my family. not my friends. i dont even have any friends. i lost all of them. and i honestly and truly did nothing to them! they ruined my life. they always deny it but they've pushed me into a deep and dark hole. and they wont help to get out of it. and my family is only pushing me further in. what did i do to deserve this? im almost 15 and i spend my weekends at home by myself listening to my ipod. i dont go out. and if i do,its with my family. i spend my days by myself. all i do is hang out with a family that makes me feel like the dust of the earth, and babysitting my cousins cus they're father wont come home to take care of them himself. this is the worst version of myself. im watching my life pass me by. i just want my friends back! all of this crap thats going on, all of my depression would be a little easier if i had friends to help me through it. and i dont;. and that scares me. right when i needed them the most, they turned they're back on me. i dont wanna be like this forever! im even crying while im writing this. idont wanna be lonely, and not married with no children. i want to have a life! but its so weird, cus at the same time im holding onto every single bit of hope cus i cant give the bullies and those friends that turned their back on me the satisfaction of saying, "i told you so. i told you she wouldnt make it in life. she still looks ugly. and shes still stupid. and shestill has no friends. of course she's single". i dont want that! i need to show them that what goes around comes around. what happened to me is gonna come back at them one day and i want them to know howit feels! and when they need me, like i needed them, im not gonna be there for them!!. and i take comfort in the fact that i know that im gonna make it somehow. but how can i be feeling 2 different things at the same time? im not gonna make it.. but i have to make it? what is this?
    my mom complains about everything, but she doesnt realize that shes sucking her daughter into her own misery. it has destroyed my life. school has destroyed my life. i dont evenwanna try to do well. mmy friends ruined me. my family is killing me. and no one understandds that i cant get up and do better, if someone keeps on pushing me down. all they do is say to me, you have problems!!!!! but instead of telling methat i do, why cant you help me with my problems???
    i want my life back! and i want my friends sooo much. and i dont have them. has anyone seen that show cashmere mafia? that show about the 4 best friends? that show kills me and makes me cry everytime i see the comercial. cus i dont have that! and i dont have the pleasure of knowing that the one or 2 best friends r always there for me! thati can call them whenever i want.. that i see them everyday. best friendsss! lotsof pppl have them! excpet me!! and thats crazyyyy!