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I want my old life back :(

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Angie

SF Yarn Addict
Staff member
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#1
2 years ago I was working and active and at least fighting to get better. But the illness just kept getting worse. I got laid off and went on disability. I thought it would be a good thing. But now I'm trapped in a hell of my own making with no way out except death.

I long for that. I want everything to stop. The regrets, the failures, the pain, just stop.

I am so sad. Sad beyond words.
 

Sadeyes

Staff Alumni
#3
Hi Sweetie...it is so difficult sometimes, to find the determination...you know, that I know this first hand...and sometimes we feel like it is all dark...but remember how many ppl care about you and how important you are in so many ppl's lives...just sending my caring and warm thoughts...J
 

kmj221

Well-Known Member
#4
I too semi want my old life back. At least it looked halfway normal. I too had to stop working and go on disability because of my illness. I many times think that the only way out of hell is to end it all. I try hard though not too. I hope that you continue to try to fight for your old life at least then someone might find the happiness again. Good Luck!!! kmj221
 
#5
I am disabled too, at first I thought having my disability recognised would help. I thought I could get money to help me live. I was quite naive.

Instead people seem to expect much more of you, you get barely enough money to live on, and people have more negative views instead of sympathy.

Everybodys in the rat race, if we werent so depressed we would be angry at the injustice.
At least anger can be a motivation to keep fighting, to keep living.
 

Butterfly

Sim Addict
Staff Alumni
SF Author
SF Supporter
#6
Angie,

I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. I often wish I could go back to the old, confident and happy Lexi and it makes me sad and angry that I can't. You know my door is, and always will be open to you hun. Maybe you need a slight meds change, I don't know. Have you ever considered trying voluntary work hun until you can get back on your feet? A couple of hours a day helping people in need can give you a real sense of purpose and a reason to wake up in the morning.

I hope you feel better soon. I am just a pm, email, instant message away if you need to talk. Love you lots hunni xxxx
 
#9
Angie, I know things have not gone as you would have liked them to, but you are not powerless. We can never get our lives back to what they originally were, but that is not always a bad thing. Something must have been going on even then to push you in the way lifes path took you. Take what you now have and build on it. One step at a time. Take baby steps toward getting yourself pack on the path to your ending goal. Set your goals to a place you can reach them. When you reach that goal, set another and another until the final goal is reached. Disability doesn't have to be a dead end. Maybe try volunteering somewhere as a beginning. Something that can make you feel better about your situation. You are a wonderful individual with so much to offer. Not just others, but to yourself. You will beat this. I know you can. :hug:
 

vbuk

Staff Alumni
#10
Hey hun, reading through the supportive replies you have received and was thinking of what to say to you. Then i read gentlelady's reply which is almost word for word what i was going to reply!! Setting goals is something most people use from day to day. When i do it i tend tp log them down. Award yourself with something you like when you reach them. Dont be disheartened if you dont always get to your goal.it is all about taking small steps.we have to learn to walk before we can run. You have so much support here. You are not going to be alone with this. Feel free to pm me if you ever need a chat x
 

takencontrol

Well-Known Member
#11
hi hun, im sorry your hurting so much, im sure we can all relate to your pain in some way. we are all here for each other and if theres anyway we can help please tell us. :hug:
 

solutions

Well-Known Member
#13
2 years ago I was working and active and at least fighting to get better. But the illness just kept getting worse. I got laid off and went on disability. I thought it would be a good thing. But now I'm trapped in a hell of my own making with no way out except death.

I long for that. I want everything to stop. The regrets, the failures, the pain, just stop.

I am so sad. Sad beyond words.
Two years ago I was a full-time student at a prestigious college, VP of a club, an active member of another, and I had a love interest. I was happy.

Then I became psychotically manic. They pulled me out of school and sent me home. My love interest rejected me. I swung into a psychotically depressed episode, and was hospitalized soon afterward. Now I'm living at home, I'm a part-time student at a community college, and where I live, which is the middle of nowhere and is what I wanted to escape from by living at school, there are no social opportunities.

I totally empathize. I'm done. There's nothing more I want to see. There's nothing more I want to hear. There's nothing more I want to live and it feels like the only way out is death.
 
#14
Two years ago I was a full-time student at a prestigious college, VP of a club, an active member of another, and I had a love interest. I was happy.

Then I became psychotically manic. They pulled me out of school and sent me home. My love interest rejected me. I swung into a psychotically depressed episode, and was hospitalized soon afterward. Now I'm living at home, I'm a part-time student at a community college, and where I live, which is the middle of nowhere and is what I wanted to escape from by living at school, there are no social opportunities.

I totally empathize. I'm done. There's nothing more I want to see. There's nothing more I want to hear. There's nothing more I want to live and it feels like the only way out is death.
:hugtackles: Try other colleges and USA are full of opportunities, so please don't give up hope.. Keep trying.. keep fighting..
 

black_rose_99

Well-Known Member
#15
Angie, I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling. I wish there was anything I can do or say to help as I've seen what you do and say to help others. I think you need something to do and keep you busy during the day - I don't know what to suggest - volunteer work sounds good, or perhaps a job you can do from home like stuffing envelopes? I'm sure it would be tedious, but it would keep you busy.

Sending a load of hugs your way :hug: :hug: :hug:
 

lightbeam

Antiquities Friend
#17
I am sorry for not responding sooner. I'm sorry that you are going through this Angie. :hug: If you need me, you know where to find me.
 

Angie

SF Yarn Addict
Staff member
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#18
Thanks to all you for responding. I really appreciate your support. I am working on doing better. :hug:
 
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