I am desperate, I just want my old life back. I cannot live with something I've done, I feel so incredibly guilty. I can't go on with this pain and anxiety any longer. I desperately want my old life back. Every day is complete and utter torture and the only relief I get is when I sleep or think about ending my life. I have been like a zombie for 5 months, dosed up to the eyeballs with drugs and struggling to leave my bedroom to face anyone or anything. This is no way to live, I just want my brain to switch off but it won't.