I want nothing

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cloud720, Sep 17, 2009.

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  1. cloud720

    cloud720 Member

    If I was told today would be the day that I would die, I wouldn't feel like I would be missing anything. That's not because I have been living my life to the fullest, I just don't want anything. There's nothing I want to try or no experiences I want to have. I have no reason to wake up in the morning, I have nothing to look forward to. I can't come up with anything...

    Making the world a better place? Call me selfish but I have no desire to help anyone.

    Touring the world? Just doesn't seem exciting.

    Build strong bonds with friends and family? Don't have it already. Maybe I could work on this but I don't want to.

    Reaching any goal or achieving any accomplishment? Lazy and pessimistic, its just easier not to try. Don't want anything bad enough to try.

    Raising kids? I don't have kids. I won't want kids till I fall in love...

    Finding someone to fall in love with? This is just too much work. I don't enjoy dating random people. So I'm not looking forward to searching for someone.

    So I guess I am wondering what everyone else is looking forward to?

    PS: I realize that this isn't that sad or depressing and that I haven't even had any traumatic experiences. I hate that, its like I feel nothing, not even sadness.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 17, 2009
  2. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Me, I'm looking forward to getting better, to feeling ok about myself, to feeling ok generally.

    I thnk that to get anything out of life, life has to have some sort of meaning. And after spending decades trying to find that meaning out there somwhere, finally I've decided that I'M going to be the meaning of my life.

    So I'm trying to learn how to stop external events and people and things dictating how I feel about myself, dictating what I should and should'nt feel, think, want, say, do ...

    It's crap when it all feels pointless and meaningless. Is there any reason you feel like this, something that's sparked it off, or has it just settled on you like a black cloud out of nowhere? Maybe there were times you remember when things DID have a point? Do you want to tell more about it?
     
  3. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    existentialism. been there done that cant be bothered. me? i just want to... nah forget it. some wishes cant be granted.
     
  4. cloud720

    cloud720 Member

    I don't really want to sit around for the next 50 years or so hoping I will find something. What if I find nothing and just die old and alone without ever finding happiness?

    I guess it started when my girlfriend left me. First I was depressed, being with her was the only thing I wanted in life, the only thing I was looking forward to. Less than a month after she left she found someone else. I think back to how our relationship started and how I thought it was so special and the thought of her sharing something similar with someone else upset me. Then I realized that I was just a guy, this new guy is just a guy, and she is just a girl. She wasn't meant for me to find happiness, she wasn't meant to give my life some meaning or purpose, she is just a girl. And now I want nothing.
     
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