I want out

[Baywasp]

I'm not being euphemistic and talking about suicide or something here; I just want to get out of my current situation.
My roommate's girlfriend has been staying with us for I guess a few months now and everything seemed fine once she got her job. But for the past week, she and my roommate have been fighting a lot. It scares me. It's really not much more than yelling and slamming doors, but last night he was trying to get out of her way and pushed past her; she lost her balance and knocked a glass bottle into the toilet tank, which cracked and a piece broke off. So now we have a barely-functioning toilet and a wall broken in another place from the same conflict.

I really hate conflict, and even though I know conflict is unavoidable, this makes me really uncomfortable. And this isn't the worst thing that has happened with my roommate. I don't know if I shared this whole story because I didn't feel like airing out all the dirty laundry, but I really need to say all this now. Over the Christmas holiday last year we had a woman staying at our house while she waited for her ex to come up from like South Carolina or something to get her kids because otherwise she would have nowhere to go and might've gotten her kids taken away. I initially wasn't too happy with that, but I dealt with it because it was only gonna be about a week or so. Until Christmas Day. The woman got drunk and got in a fight with my roommate. She pulled a knife on him (in front of her kids) after he called her a bitch. Then she threatened to call the cops on him and say he had abused her (he's on probation.) The police did get involved but thankfully they believed him and kicked her out of our house.

And another time, years before. My roommate came into my room at like 2 am and said something like "We might have to get out of here now." Apparently the girl he was dating at the time had a stalker ex-boyfriend who had been repeatedly driving by our house and had previously threatened him over text. It ended up being okay and we were able to stay home, but I was still angry at him for potentially putting my life at risk when I wasn't involved in that crap at all.

So it seems reasonable that I might be scared of conflicts involving him, right? Well anyway, I don't know how much longer this fighting is going to last and how much longer I can take it. My roommate and I are bros, really, and we've been living in this house together for nearly 4 years. We take care of each other and it's generally nice. But there are still certain other things I don't like. Like him taking my food or whatever. I don't need to get into it here. I really just wanna move out, not only do I feel like I can't do that, I can't really afford to either.

I currently have enough money saved from my stimulus check to be able to afford a security deposit or whatever, but my maximum potential contribution towards household expenses is currently about $400. It's hard to find something for that. I won't even get into how hard it was for me to find a place when I first moved here. We have a ridiculously cheap house, but there are not many more of those available. Plus my roommate pays more of the utilities than I do (initially he just needed help with rent so all he asked was for half rent, and now I pay half of the electric or gas bill too. I just don't see me being able to find an arrangement that works for me.

I'm on SSI and get about $700 a month after they subtract off the amount for overpayment. All I have to pay besides housing costs is a bus pass (except for the past few months), a cell phone bill, and very limited co-pays for my medications. I also receive food stamps. I don't have a lot of limitations for where I can live besides it has to be convenient to a bus line so I can get to school and has to be really cheap. However, I've tried to move in to places that do background checks and never heard back from them after they did the background check for some reason, so maybe I didn't pass. And also, I have absolutely no credit.

I'm probably overthinking things. Maybe this will be over soon. I know I need to talk to him about how this is making me feel, but I really don't want to.

 

[lost_in_a_fairytale]

I don't know enough about how things work property-wise to offer advice on that (and also I'm not in the same country as you) but I understand why you'd feel on edge there and awkward. that's horrible, I hate conflict too, it literally makes me feel sick with anxiety and I avoid it at all costs unless I absolutely have to. I recently got the guts to start telling people if they've annoyed me/hurt me etc, and it got a bit easier at time went on, less nerve-wracking, ....well until it recently backfired and said person exploded at me for being honest about how they annoyed me....anyway point being yeah it would be ideal if you could try to talk to your roommate about it, at least some of it, but I know it's hard. might seem like a cop-out but if its too awkward face to face could you do it via text instead? although I know you'd still have to discuss it face to face eventually anyway but idk if that would break the ice easier

maybe wait a bit longer, and see if things do settle down. like give it a time limit- like see how things are in a few weeks, or a month, if you can wait that long, and if they're just as bad then decide you definitely need to address it with him. I hope things get better soon

 

[LonelyHiker]

Have approached/confronted your roommate about your concerns? I'd start there, see how he responds and then decide how to proceed..

 

[Mr Pryce]

I'm not being euphemistic and talking about suicide or something here; I just want to get out of my current situation.
My roommate's girlfriend has been staying with us for I guess a few months now and everything seemed fine once she got her job. But for the past week, she and my roommate have been fighting a lot. It scares me. It's really not much more than yelling and slamming doors, but last night he was trying to get out of her way and pushed past her; she lost her balance and knocked a glass bottle into the toilet tank, which cracked and a piece broke off. So now we have a barely-functioning toilet and a wall broken in another place from the same conflict.

I really hate conflict, and even though I know conflict is unavoidable, this makes me really uncomfortable. And this isn't the worst thing that has happened with my roommate. I don't know if I shared this whole story because I didn't feel like airing out all the dirty laundry, but I really need to say all this now. Over the Christmas holiday last year we had a woman staying at our house while she waited for her ex to come up from like South Carolina or something to get her kids because otherwise she would have nowhere to go and might've gotten her kids taken away. I initially wasn't too happy with that, but I dealt with it because it was only gonna be about a week or so. Until Christmas Day. The woman got drunk and got in a fight with my roommate. She pulled a knife on him (in front of her kids) after he called her a bitch. Then she threatened to call the cops on him and say he had abused her (he's on probation.) The police did get involved but thankfully they believed him and kicked her out of our house.

And another time, years before. My roommate came into my room at like 2 am and said something like "We might have to get out of here now." Apparently the girl he was dating at the time had a stalker ex-boyfriend who had been repeatedly driving by our house and had previously threatened him over text. It ended up being okay and we were able to stay home, but I was still angry at him for potentially putting my life at risk when I wasn't involved in that crap at all.

So it seems reasonable that I might be scared of conflicts involving him, right? Well anyway, I don't know how much longer this fighting is going to last and how much longer I can take it. My roommate and I are bros, really, and we've been living in this house together for nearly 4 years. We take care of each other and it's generally nice. But there are still certain other things I don't like. Like him taking my food or whatever. I don't need to get into it here. I really just wanna move out, not only do I feel like I can't do that, I can't really afford to either.

I currently have enough money saved from my stimulus check to be able to afford a security deposit or whatever, but my maximum potential contribution towards household expenses is currently about $400. It's hard to find something for that. I won't even get into how hard it was for me to find a place when I first moved here. We have a ridiculously cheap house, but there are not many more of those available. Plus my roommate pays more of the utilities than I do (initially he just needed help with rent so all he asked was for half rent, and now I pay half of the electric or gas bill too. I just don't see me being able to find an arrangement that works for me.

I'm on SSI and get about $700 a month after they subtract off the amount for overpayment. All I have to pay besides housing costs is a bus pass (except for the past few months), a cell phone bill, and very limited co-pays for my medications. I also receive food stamps. I don't have a lot of limitations for where I can live besides it has to be convenient to a bus line so I can get to school and has to be really cheap. However, I've tried to move in to places that do background checks and never heard back from them after they did the background check for some reason, so maybe I didn't pass. And also, I have absolutely no credit.

I'm probably overthinking things. Maybe this will be over soon. I know I need to talk to him about how this is making me feel, but I really don't want to.

I think you need to make the situation more logical to understand in your mind. Your making it sound complicated. What you do is separate yourself from the human problem. Look for ways to sort out things with ideas like calling the landlord and setting rules for all parties in living there in a contract.

You could get another job or ask for a pay rise on employment. You need to repair relationships with people close to you and do talk to him how it makes you feel. Be open and honest with him. Trust and loyalty work well in any situation, but you have earn both.