I Want Out

[EmB]

I say this so many times and for once, I want it to mean something: I am at my breaking point.

Everyone around me is down. My sister is doing awful with her mental health, not even sleeping anymore, my mum is worried sick about her. My boyfriend is depressed, everyday he tells me how much he hates himself, what's the point, and now he's saying how he wishes he was dead.

My mental health has been awful since September. I have tried to put it aside for everyone. I have tried to support people. I have tried to sort my own life out, I have tried to get better. I am getting more and more broken. I am so lost. Everyone is just falling apart around me and I can't hold them up because every single weight is breaking my bones. I don't take care of myself at all, I don't do anything anymore. I am so lost. How am I meant to do any of this alone?

There's no advice for this situation. I am just completely and utterly drowning in things I am not able to cope with anymore and all I want is for it to stop.

 

[may71]

Hugs Em

I wish I could help somehow

It doesn't sound fair that you're taking so much on to support others when you're struggling so much yourself.

 

[EmB]

Hugs Em

I wish I could help somehow

Thank you may, I appreciate that a lot.

Sending hugs

 

[may71]

You're welcome!

 

[KM76710]

Sad to hear how down all is going for you, hoping and wishing the best for you.

 

[EmB]

Sad to hear how down all is going for you, hoping and wishing the best for you.

Thank you, that means a lot.

Sending hugs

Em

 

[MisterBGone]

I say this so many times and for once, I want it to mean something: I am at my breaking point.

Everyone around me is down. My sister is doing awful with her mental health, not even sleeping anymore, my mum is worried sick about her. My boyfriend is depressed, everyday he tells me how much he hates himself, what's the point, and now he's saying how he wishes he was dead.

My mental health has been awful since September. I have tried to put it aside for everyone. I have tried to support people. I have tried to sort my own life out, I have tried to get better. I am getting more and more broken. I am so lost. Everyone is just falling apart around me and I can't hold them up because every single weight is breaking my bones. I don't take care of myself at all, I don't do anything anymore. I am so lost. How am I meant to do any of this alone?

There's no advice for this situation. I am just completely and utterly drowning in things I am not able to cope with anymore and all I want is for it to stop.

Hi Em! : ) I'm so sorry to hear you're still in this bad state/place, and feeling this way: so black/bleak; dark, etc. I had honestly wondered about you, and wanted to know more about how you were doing... but I can never tell (or very often remember) if I hadn't somehow - someway managed to alienate, offend or whatever else not-so-good & negative to somebody (& hence--they are now thinking, "all things ill!") about me! :^)
Now, what concerns me most is the last part of the line I've posted/quoted here, from what you've written up above. . . Am I reading that right? I've done so several times and I'm still trying to wrap my mind around whether or not a misinterpretation isn't occurring in my ever-scrambled (or is it, "over easy?") brain & mind_
And No. You certainly can't be expected to help / rescue, or save anybody else when in such dire straights your, or our-sel(f)ves! ; ) so- I hope you can find some way to come to grips with this, and be able to accept your limitations, given how long and hard you've been wrestling with this mental anguish, torture, punishment - whatever you want to call it! Here if you need me. . . Though I can't say (for certain) if that is a good thing, or bad?? ; )

 

[MisterBGone]

This is the only line I'd meant to quote, and make reference to up above:

"My boyfriend is depressed, everyday he tells me how much he hates himself, what's the point, and now he's saying how he wishes he was dead."

 

[MisterBGone]

Oh, Ok.. Never mind- (I totally read that wrong!) . . . I thought it said "me," and not "he," at the end there. Carry on!

 

[KM76710]

Thank you, that means a lot.

Sending hugs

Em

Some hugs for youself.

 

[MisterBGone]

It sounds like you could use a little, "time-out," from life. If you get to that breaking point (in especially so) of making a bad, or unwise decision. . . Don't hesitate to check your self into a hospital. You might be impressed and amazed with, or by the results (& how it can easily/effortlessly, hit the "reset button!"). Just so you know! : )

 

[MisterBGone]

. . . Could also maybe just see about checking yourself in per, or for "exhaustion," of something akin/like that.

 

[EmB]

Hi Em! : ) I'm so sorry to hear you're still in this bad state/place, and feeling this way: so black/bleak; dark, etc. I had honestly wondered about you, and wanted to know more about how you were doing... but I can never tell (or very often remember) if I hadn't somehow - someway managed to alienate, offend or whatever else not-so-good & negative to somebody (& hence--they are now thinking, "all things ill!") about me! :^)
Now, what concerns me most is the last part of the line I've posted/quoted here, from what you've written up above. . . Am I reading that right? I've done so several times and I'm still trying to wrap my mind around whether or not a misinterpretation isn't occurring in my ever-scrambled (or is it, "over easy?") brain & mind_
And No. You certainly can't be expected to help / rescue, or save anybody else when in such dire straights your, or our-sel(f)ves! ; ) so- I hope you can find some way to come to grips with this, and be able to accept your limitations, given how long and hard you've been wrestling with this mental anguish, torture, punishment - whatever you want to call it! Here if you need me. . . Though I can't say (for certain) if that is a good thing, or bad?? ; )

Thank you - I'll reply to all of your messages here. I very much appreciate your kindness and also can't imagine you ever doing anything that would offend me so don't worry about that! You're right, I can't help them - most of them are deteriorating - but I can't step away from it either, partly out of physically I can't, and partly because I would feel so guilty if I did and something happened.

I spend my time imagining the pain stopping. Half is suicidal and half is like you say, "taking a break", but to the extreme, running away to another country and never looking back at all. If only I had the money to take a break (just for a short time). Hospitals never tend to take me seriously, even after an attempt back home, they kept me til my bloods were fine but didn't really seem too interested after that. I don't think the hospital would do anything except send me home... and if I admit myself to a hospital, even if they took me in, I would fall behind on university work, I would worry everyone. It feels wrong.

Thank you all the same for the suggestions and support. You have a really bubbly nature in your writing, it's lovely.

Sending hugs

 

[GMody]

Have you considered counseling. It will be helpful ...face to face with counselor. He/she may show you the way in such a dire situation. Once you are ok then you can help those that need help.

 

[Ash600]

So much weight, such a burden for you to carry. I know you mentioned about seeking help (hospitals), and I wish they would see the whole picture and take you seriously, and provide you with the assistance you need.

I don't have the answers, all I can offer are my thoughts and wishes as well as an ear to listen and hear you out. Keep safe, keep chatting, you're not alone, we're here for you.

 

[EmB]

Have you considered counseling. It will be helpful ...face to face with counselor. He/she may show you the way in such a dire situation. Once you are ok then you can help those that need help.

Unfortunately yes. I enjoyed it whilst doing it but I come across as someone who doesn't need help, I think. My most recent counsellor said she thought we were finished and that I was doing really well. Thank you for the suggestion, though, I'm wondering if therapy or counselling again would help but I'm worried that I will not be able to come across as serious enough to get the help I need, if that makes sense?

Sending hugs

 

[EmB]

So much weight, such a burden for you to carry. I know you mentioned about seeking help (hospitals), and I wish they would see the whole picture and take you seriously, and provide you with the assistance you need.

I don't have the answers, all I can offer are my thoughts and wishes as well as an ear to listen and hear you out. Keep safe, keep chatting, you're not alone, we're here for you.

Thank you very much, that means a lot!

Sending hugs

 

[MisterBGone]

Hey, Em! Just wondering out loud if you were pretty open / honest / forthcoming with the counseling - when you got it? I'm sure you know what I mean, with your current knowledge, or expertise (or interest) in the field of study for someone of your particular age bracket, or range! I tend to have the same problem, in that my natural or normal "state," disposition; whatever you want to call it... presents very 'Sunny!' (maybe side up?) And so, sometimes people who don't know me any better can think me well, or certainly many times better than I am currently doing.

If it's an option for you, it wouldn't hurt (or so I wouldn't hope...) to look into some form of psychological therapy, of the "talk," (-ative) variety. If for no better reason to voice your thoughts, feelings & etc to a professional, who can then hopefully offer you a little better perspective on things, than you've got now. That's my thinking, at or in the moment!

If you were feeling well enough, maybe even a short/brief (like one or two nights?) stay at a local hotel would do the body, mind, spirit & soul - a world of good? Another way to perhaps achieve something of what I was suggesting, or mentioning before. In terms of the "unplugging," from Life~ Watch some movies. Order take-out/delivery. Get the jacuzzi/whirlpool suite & go all-out! I'm serious: that's the sort of thing that used to help me, and I used to do it quite often, frankly. . . (Not really sure why I ever stopped, in fact?)-

Again, not so great if you're concerned with stability and so on, and so on. :^) Or feeling unwell/fit; unpredictable, impulsive, et cetera/et cetera/et cetera! ;^)

Oh, yes! On the hospital stays. I forget where you're at (which is not where I am at, and could therefore be somehow even worse than here - which is scary if true; just in regards how seriously they take &/or treat 'mental health!'). But where I am, they generally/usually only keep you until you are viewed as not crazy / insane enough to go right back out and harm yourself (significantly) or others. . . Which is a wide every~lasting galaxy & universe away, from being "okay!" In other words: short term crisis intervention stuff. The rest (long term care) is up to you & if you haven't the ability; you're on your own-

Just keep in the back of your mind, if you do feel that unsafe & uncertain, it is a way to prevent the worst possible outcome. That's all I'm sayin' ; )~!*>.(;

 

[Ash600]

Unfortunately yes. I enjoyed it whilst doing it but I come across as someone who doesn't need help, I think. My most recent counsellor said she thought we were finished and that I was doing really well. Thank you for the suggestion, though, I'm wondering if therapy or counselling again would help but I'm worried that I will not be able to come across as serious enough to get the help I need, if that makes sense?

Sending hugs

As the last session helped, it would definitely be worth giving counselling/therapy another go. I can understand your concerns about not being able to come across as serious enough. Perhaps it could be some automatic defense mechanism kicking in? Maybe let the therapist know about this being part of your nature beforehand and so not to take it as a sign of indifference or someone who doesn't need help.

 

[GMody]

Unfortunately yes. I enjoyed it whilst doing it but I come across as someone who doesn't need help, I think. My most recent counsellor said she thought we were finished and that I was doing really well. Thank you for the suggestion, though, I'm wondering if therapy or counselling again would help but I'm worried that I will not be able to come across as serious enough to get the help I need, if that makes sense?

Sending hugs

Hugs to you. You need to open up with the counselor and explain the seriousness of your situation.