... So a number of things are getting to me. I can't even go into all of them right now because I am clamming up from being open. I freeze on the phone and don't know who or what to call. I can't seem to sleep or eat properly - and now feel like I'm reduced to a wreck. Even trying to be positive has recinded into a piece of cigarette ash. yes I'm a smoker. I only wish I could say goodbye to the person I am.. I need help, but i'm not sure I would want it.