i want out

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bstreep, Feb 17, 2012.

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  1. bstreep

    bstreep New Member

    I've been dealing with depression for a while now. It was fine for a while, maybe because I was taking Zoloft and going to therapy, but I can't afford the therapy anymore and I haven't taken my medication in like a year and it's become increasingly difficult to deal with it. I have no energy for anything, it takes some serious effort to get out of bed. I have these thoughts in my head that are always telling me I want to die and ways to do it. I'll be having a perfectly good day and they'll just pop in my head out of nowhere.

    I recently had to move back home because i was living with my boyfriend and he's a jerk who physically hurt me. I'm not adjusting to being back here very well I don't have many friends here and I've had to start a new job. People always say I'm so nice and friendly but I haaate the whole "making friends" thing. I have all these student loans and bills and my parents just got divorced. I dunno I know things could be way worse but I just feel so overwhelmed with sadness and I just no longer have the will to live. I want to have it. I want to want to live but I just don't know how. These thoughts of suicide, I can't control them.

    I've attempted it in the past and been hospitalized but obviously I've never been successful. I think it's cause I want to be dead but i'm afraid of actually dying. I more so wish I had never been born in the first place. I'm afraid of the whole possibility of going to hell thing and I don't want my family to hurt. But I'm physically hurting so bad. Sometimes it hurts to even breathe.

    I just need some advice I guess how do I stop this conflict in me of wanting to die and wanting to want to live? Wanting to live for more than just my family and out of fear but for me. if that makes any sense...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You make lots of sense hun If you can please get a hold of your doctor set up some therapy time for you so you can talk and heal from the abuse you have encounter from ex bf and also hun get back on zoloft if it help before it will help you again You know you can feel better with it so try it again ok You deserve to feel well hun so do that for YOU
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