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I want revenge

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#21
I always remember seeing one of those motivational things....."when taking revenge on one, make sure you dig two graves"......there is truth in that. No matter how much the pain is we feel that someone has given us, it's only in films where revenge feels sweet, eventually it eats at us and devours us more so than the original pain.
 
#22
I know how you feel Dear Sir. :crushed: I am so very sorry this happed to you as a little boy. I felt the exact same way about the WOMAN my own MOM who used to BEAT me when I was a little girl! I wanted to hurt her so bad when I became a teen and up. But one time when I was 20 she started arguing with me and yelling at me, like she always does even still. So I yelled back. Then she bitched slapped me hard across my face. I got sooooo angry that I slapped her back. My own mother! Oh geez did I feel GUILTY! I slapped my own mother! Even though she did it to me first and used to beat me cleverly as a child leaving no visible marks on my body. I admit getting revenge on others feels wonderful. But NOT when it is against your own parents! Please Dear Sir if the man that beat you is your own father please do NOT get revenge! It will hurt more than help you. Even though my mom is a demon possessed sadistic psycho and I HATE her I still love her because after all she is my own mom. I sure wouldn't mind if she went to prison and got beat up by the people there though. But not by me. But even though i'm 26 I am still TERRIFIED of her and I know that she even though she is physical ill in many was she can still BEAT the HELL outta me. I still feel so guilty that even if I could beat her I would just let her beat me up again anyway. I beg you Mr. if your abuser was a parent ERASE every thought of revenge from your heart. I hope you find some peace Gentleman.
First off I wish I found this forum years ago. I had no idea I'm not alone in this. I've been diagnosed with PTSD as a result of domestic violence in my childhood. I feel like I've gotten over it, except for the grudge that I still carry against the man who beat me. Has anyone on this board ever taken violent revenge against an abuser, and did it help?

Emotionally I think that it would be immensely satisfying to beat the crap out of this man. Not kill him, but to show that kids become adults and if you abuse kids, you get to deal with what they grow up to become. I also hope/wish that doing so would resolve the lack of self esteem that has followed me well beyond the nightmares and flashbacks. Yet obviously because this is an emotional issue for me I have no idea if I'm thinking clearly or jumping to the conclusion that justifies my impulses. I want revenge but have doubts that the solution to violence should be more violence.
 
#23
I was physically and mentally abused by my mother and I used to feel incredibly angry towards both my parents. I was even angrier with my father, because he just stood on the sidelines and never did anything about it. I have felt an enormous anger towards the people around us at the time that knew this was happening and played it down and never helped us as children.

I am not angry with my mother anymore and just don't feel anything when I think of her, because I know now she has a mental illness which was a major cause of the abuse.
But I still get fits of anger towards the bystanders sometimes. My miserable childhood made me a very vulnerable and fragile adult and this was probably an indirect cause that I got raped at the age of 18, because my references and instincts were all messed up. I have a really hard time trusting people and feeling love for other people, because of these events and it also made me pick the wrong life partner, but I tried to live on and make the best of it.

When I was 33 I got attacked by a man and this triggered all these feelings of fear and feeling vulnerable again and my first reaction was to commit suicide, but there was also an incredible feeling of revenge and "this is enough" that I started feeling.

I don't know what made me decide to turn the tables and take serious martial arts classes, but they have really helped me deal with these feelings of revenge. I feel more secure and my martial arts skills make me feel safer, even if I still have a hard time trusting people in general.

The most important thing -for me personally -and I know it's probably not completely "healthy" or "appropriate"- what these martial arts skills gave me is that the next person that will ever dare to attack me is going to have a lot of pain and even if I can't win that person will suffer severely. This thought has calmed my anger down a lot.
 

undercoverlover

both dead and alive until somebody opens the box
#24
i understand 100%. ive always wanted revenge with my abuser, but in the end i know it will escalate things and make things worse. the best thing i can do for myself now is work on my recovery and cut all connections with him. its really hard, though, and im still not sure how to do it. the best revenge is showing them how happy you can be even after they tried to break you, in my opinion.
 
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