I want the pain to end

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ifeeldead, May 6, 2012.

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  1. Ifeeldead

    Ifeeldead New Member

    I'm a 34 yr old female. In the last year I have been tormented by life. It started when I bought a brand new car and a month later, someone took a crowbar to it and stole everything. My wallet, my identity everything they could. Than I got hit on the side by a van. I overcame that easily. Than my roommate took off and stopped paying bills, so I was left paying for everything and I only make enough salary to get by. 3 months went by and I found out she stole my inactivated credit card and racked it up. I had no idea so I got an R5 hit on my credit and am now stuck paying that. One day while I was at work, she came home and stole everything, I came home to just my bed, tv and clothes. A few days later I got evicted because I was struggling to pay everything by myself. And than, the love of my life who I was supposed to move in with in June, broke up with me and went back to her ex. (fyi I'm a lesbian) She was my world, she was all I had left that I was happy about at the time. We were each others world. Now I don't even exist to her, one day she loved me and the next she's gone and I'm left broken. I work with her and I see how happy she is and I'm so broken. It's not fair. How does she stop loving me so quick? How can I not exist so fast to her? ..A couple days ago I got my taxes back and I owe $2000. I can't handle the pain anymore, I'm at my rock bottom and still getting kicked. I want to die and end the pain, so bad. I'm not saying this to get attention, I would have done it by now if I knew I'd die but I'm so scared to try and it doesn't work. I need something that will work. I can't love anymore, I don't have anything left in me. I'm so hurt and so full of pain, it won't go away. My friends don't know what to do with me anymore.
  2. Hello welcome to the forum :hug:
    Are you able to file in a detailed explanation to the tax company? It's not the end of the world. You need to settle things gradually. First, settle the financial part: ask your government for help or delay tax payment by explaining your situation to them. Second: ask your GF what has happened and why she need to break up with you. :hug:
  3. Ifeeldead

    Ifeeldead New Member

    Nothing you said makes sense. She went back to her ex husband which is the reason were not together now. The taxes is the least of my worries. The government doesn't care if you are heart broken or struck with a deadly disease, all they care about is getting the money. I don't think you really read what I wrote and are just responding to add to your post counts. Thanks anyways, still dead inside.
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    sounds like a lot to deal with ........ I'm so sorry about your relationship breakup and I would say from experience I hope you can work through that grief and in time the pain will ease and you will learn to cope
    statistics state that the chances of someone going back to their ex are high even when they're in a new relationship, so don't blame yourself for her going back to her ex...she obviously hadn't dealt with her issues with her ex but I know that doesn't make it any easier on you

    re the finances....would the tax office allow you to pay in installments over a period?
    maybe talk to a financial adviser about filing for bankruptcy?
    I wonder did you file charges with the police when your roommate stole your stuff?
    I hope some others will offer you some advice that you find helpful
  5. Whispers

    Whispers Banned Member

    Hello, Ifeeldead. Sounds like you have a lot to say and many issues to work out. I'm a good listener and am here if you want to open up and let me help. You are in a bad place right now, but that place is temporary. Doesn't seem like it now, but it does and will get better. You just need a moment of pause and to talk to somebody.

    If you want to talk here, we can. If you prefer privacy, you can PM me or IM me in one of the chat rooms. I am there almost all the time. Don't be afraid to message me. I'm here to help and would like to see what we can come up with in turning matters around for you.
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