I gave it my best shot I tried! the last 4 years have been hell. I am now 18, I cant go on like this, I went out tried to make new friends tryed so hard to give my life some kind of meaning tried cooping with this depressive state im in since 4 years Im not a quitter, Ive tried, gave it my best shot, was a hell of a ride! And finaly I failed once again. I cant go on like this, I know by now Il spend the remaining years of my life alone probably living in some small dirty appartement with a dead end job. what little hope I had has now vanished, nothing makes me happy anymore nothing, I think I reached the bottom of this shit pit, I cant see how living waking up in the morning going to work until one gets sick or to old and dies can be called life? god has forsaken me, and I deserve this fate. I guess some are born to be losers others to be winners thats how it is, natural selection I guess. I hate when I hear the proverb : when god gives you lemons make lemonade! I feel like spitting the lemonade all over his face. I surrender, Im DONE!!! and Im so ashamed of this fate. ever since ive realised how much of a failure I am, ever since I dont stay asleep playing games like world of warcraft anymore this pain nocked me out cold. I wont seek any counseling, I wont seek any help, Im done trying, I just want the horrible mess to be over quickly. I guess every time I think of dying or killing myself part of my soul dies, thiers not much left of it.