I want this nightmare to be over!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by alexander01, Jan 3, 2009.

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  1. alexander01

    alexander01 Active Member

    I gave it my best shot I tried! the last 4 years have been hell. I am now 18, I cant go on like this, I went out tried to make new friends tryed so hard to give my life some kind of meaning tried cooping with this depressive state im in since 4 years Im not a quitter, Ive tried, gave it my best shot, was a hell of a ride! And finaly I failed once again. I cant go on like this, I know by now Il spend the remaining years of my life alone probably living in some small dirty appartement with a dead end job.

    what little hope I had has now vanished, nothing makes me happy anymore nothing, I think I reached the bottom of this shit pit, I cant see how living waking up in the morning going to work until one gets sick or to old and dies can be called life? god has forsaken me, and I deserve this fate.

    I guess some are born to be losers others to be winners thats how it is, natural selection I guess.

    I hate when I hear the proverb : when god gives you lemons make lemonade! I feel like spitting the lemonade all over his face. I surrender, Im DONE!!! and Im so ashamed of this fate.

    ever since ive realised how much of a failure I am, ever since I dont stay asleep playing games like world of warcraft anymore this pain nocked me out cold. I wont seek any counseling, I wont seek any help, Im done trying, I just want the horrible mess to be over quickly. I guess every time I think of dying or killing myself part of my soul dies, thiers not much left of it.
  2. i feel your paint, im 21, have been dealing with depression since i was 13 or so. never got any help. i have few friends, if i can even call them that. i just moved back in to my moms house after a failed attempt at a 4 year college, my life is in the shit hole right now. there is hope...i hope. just take one step at a time, dont look to much further.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I also started being suicidal and depressed when I was 12 or 13. I tried to commit once when I was thirteen and luckily no one found out about it. I then started using drugs to make life more bearable. I stayed stoned from the age of thirteen to my mid 30's. Then I quit using them and all my old haunts came rushing back in. That is when I made my second attempt, I woke up the following morning and was physically sick and my hands, feet and ankles were all swelled up. Thats when I had my nervous breakdown. Ever since then I have been Isolated and had lost all faith in my fellow mankind. To this day I still isolate myself in my bedroom. I only venture out when necessity takes over. Like going to therapy or to see the doctor. Going to the grocery store early a.m. before too many people come in to shop. I have grown accustom to being alone and prefer it that way. I live with my sister and she is about the only one on the outside that I communicate with. Even when we talk she has to come in my bedroom to talk to me. Then I don't say much I let her do most of the talking. I never talk about what is going on with me because she tells everyone in the family what is happening with me.~Joseph~
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello Alexander,

    You still have plenty of time to achieve what you want. Don't give up so easily.You have the rest of your life to work on it. Why won't you seek help from a doctor or a counselor? They can show you how to move forward. :hug:
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