i want this shit to end NOW

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by givenuponlife, Oct 3, 2006.

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  1. givenuponlife

    givenuponlife Well-Known Member

    i cant take this shit anymore, This is the 2nd letter i wrote to the samaratins. I did this earlier today:

    What i told you earlier was only the tip of the iceburg. I just dont know how much longer i can keep this mask on saying to everyone that i am fine and nothing is wrong. I know i have hit rock bottom cause about a month ago i tried attempting suicide by hanging myself. I stopped bout half way throgh but most days i dont see any point in living.

    Everyone around me thinks i am doing great, i am not on my meds and doing great because i got out of a very abusive situation. But that is just a mask, i have been like this since 8yrs old and since roughly 13 i have thought about killing myself cause of the crap i was going through at school. When i hit highschool it got worse, i actually tried attempting at least twice in one semester. NO one ever knew about that till now, and since then its just gotten worse.

    After my son was born that is when the mask started coming off, i wanted to kill myself cause i didnt think i was a good mother, it ended up that i had major depression (post partum type) and that is why i felt like that. But that is when i found out exactly that the person i married was not really in love with me, and if he was then it was a weird way of showing it. I admitted myself to the hospital and all he could do was stand at the bottem of the stairs and say bye take care. I started phoning when i could and all he would say to me was (when are you coming home) this was less then a week in the hospital and if i told him i didnt know he would get mad at me.

    I am still having issues that i am trying to get through becasue of the abuse i was subject to for 15 years. And the only way i can do that is to either self harm or have my mind run through different senerieos of killing myself. Most of the time i think that if i had a gun i would use it.

    Like i said in my earlier email, i think of suicde 24/7 when i am awake, i cant talk to many people about this i feel like i am stupid for thinking this way. I knowi am not the only person with a mental illness but thats what it feels like. It feels like people will put me down, treat me differently and all that just because i have a mental illness.

    I just cant get out of this slump i am in and i hate it. I dont want to feel like this anymore i hate it. i want to be a normal person but no one wants to help me.
  2. itachi

    itachi Well-Known Member

    Just Thought Id Say That I Read your Post and Cared.

    You Hang in There

    Luv Josh
  3. givenuponlife

    givenuponlife Well-Known Member

    i am trying but dont know for how much longer,

    Still debating on the hosptial or not, but there is alot at stake there if i go back in so i really have to weigh that out
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