I guess you never really stop being a "cutter" once you start its a curse that you can't stop. the thoughts that constantly haunt you. The want, the Addiction, the feeling... Its been over two years since my last cut, and I want to give that all up. I want to cut again. and why not? If I want to so bad, why shouldn't I? My boyfriend wouldnt like it very much, neither would anyone else... but still i lay thinking, what if I just started again? what would happen? maybe just one more time? I'm sitting here, staring at my two year old scars, thinking, I remember how bad it got, and how far it took me... I went deep, god I went so deep... and I always went deeper...deeper...deeper... I just needed it. Maybe I need it now. and maybe its not a bad thing that I need it. or maybe i'm just crazy. I can't find a proper outlet for my feelings anymore, and all I want to do is cut. so why shouldnt I? its an amazing feeling..an amazing release.. the thin sharp blades gliding almost effortlessly into my skin... and the thick jagged knifes I dragged deeply into my arm... i miss those feelings.. and I want them back. oh god, whats wrong with me? i've made it so far and all I want to do is go back.