I want to be a toilet slave *trigger*

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Darkone, May 17, 2007.

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  1. Darkone

    Darkone Active Member

    :blink: I know this is going to be sound weird but I want a women to use me like a toilet. If I ever did it could become suicidal because of the health complications that go with eating someones waste. I also have desires for women to beat me half to death. The sad thing is I'm looking for these things despite the fact it could kill me or hurt me. I know there are women out there that are crazy enough to do these kinds of things to me and maybe it will be a short time till I find someone. I almost met someone that wanted to do these things to me but something stoped me from meeting her. The past few months I have been getting a little down with a bunch of little bad things going on in my life and am afraid if some girl contacted me and wanted to do those things to me I would let her despite knowing the fact it could kill me in the long run. I think with my abusive childhood has made me where I don't feel loved unless they hurt me. I been to therapy but does not help. I have tried several medications before and all of them ether put me to sleep or made me hyper active so I'm unable to take anything. The sad thing is even if I got into a regular relationship I don't think I would feel loved unless she hurt me. :sad:
     
  2. sylviah

    sylviah Member

    Re: I want to be a toilet slave

    I see your point a lot. Cause i'm like you, not in everything, but i like to get hurt as well. Not as extreme as you, but i do. So you are not the only one.
    Can you maybe try to go to an different doc or try out a different therapy, maybe one, which will help you more?

    I hope you are okay.
    take care.
     
  3. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Re: I want to be a toilet slave

    Have you told your therapist about all of this? I know you know this is a really bad idea and very unsafe, not to mention degrading (which I suppose is what you are after). Try to stay safe and don't do anything that could have permanent consequences.
     
  4. Darkone

    Darkone Active Member

    Re: I want to be a toilet slave

    I never told a therapist before. I think I would never have the guts to tell anyone in person unless it was a women that wants to use me like a toilet and hurt me. I think I'm ashamed of it and afraid to do it but a part of me wants too. I have my profiles on sites searching for people and at times I delete them but always seem to make them again. Lucky there are not to many women that want to treat a guy this bad or I would be in deep shit literally. But who knows when I will get a real responses with someone close to me that in a way will be my nightmare. I think in some strange way when a girl farts or clogs the toilet I'm really attracted to it. I feel like I want to smell it and her to make me eat it. I know this is strange. I have read up on the health complications that could accor on doing this and it could be fatal.
     
  5. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    i think you were really brave to post this.Well done.im afraid i dont have many ideas of my own right now on how to help you apart from what the others have said.But im always here if you want to talk.im sorry you feel so bad.i can see where it comes from though given your situation.Feel free to talk to us and im glad your trying to hang on and trying to get help.Please dont worry about feeling your situation may sound weird......there are a variety of us on here all with different experiences and i feel mine can sound odd or off the wall to people at times too!!!PM me anytime and you and your situation are in my thoughts.Sorry i wish i could be more help.But you took a big step in posting this so i wanted to reply and again well done.
     
  6. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    If you can muster up the courage I strongly suggest you tell a therapist. Try not to be too embarrasses...they've pretty much heard it all, and might have some better insight into your emotional issues. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you can get to the bottom of this before doing anything that could hurt you.
     
  7. Darkone

    Darkone Active Member

    I think there is a part of me that knows this is wrong and all that I really want is a loving relationship. However, there seems to be different sides of me. In some ways I feel loved if a women hurts and abuses me. I don't feel proud today because I posted in three BDSM sites seeking a women to use me as her toilet. I even once posted on a vore site that I wanted a girl to eat me alive. Lucky there no real reponse but more concern. I sometimes think that only someone using me will keep a darker part of me getting out.
     
  8. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I'm afraid that if you go down this path it will only spiral down into darkness and it will be even more difficult for you to ever have a loving relationship. I suggest trying to get to the real root of this instead of indulging in it. I think it is possible for you to develop a healthier sense of self and therefore prepare yourself for a relationship in which you can accept real love instead of degradation.
     
  9. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    What you need is to find a psycho-sexual therapist, they deal exclusively with this kind of thing and will have heard it all before; so no need to be afraid that you would shock them.
    If you are in the UK there is a psycho-sexual clinic in St John's Wood, London.
     
  10. Darkone

    Darkone Active Member

    :starwars: I'm not sure even if I have the power to fight against the darkness inside me anymore. Not even sure even if I want love. Love is a weakness. I have fantasized ever since I was a child of a women using me like a toilet even if it could kill me in the long run. I sometimes think if I do it once that it might end my fantasy or maybe it will make me desire it more.
     
  11. Darkone

    Darkone Active Member

    Never heard of that kind of therapist before. Don't like the name of it because it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. You sure I shouldn't see a eating disorder doctor (just kidding). My humor is the last thing to go.
     
  12. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I know it sounds a bit odd, but its just a branch of specialised psychiatry.
    a friend of mine went there after being labelled a sexual deviant by a 'normal' psychiatrist :eek:hmy: and she said they really helped.
     
  13. Darkone

    Darkone Active Member

    I'm not even completely sure though that it is something sexual. I think there are reasons that I feel loved by a women that hurts me but not in a sexual way. I don't even like sex. I once broke up with a girlfriend because she was begging me for sex.
     
  14. Cestmoi

    Cestmoi Well-Known Member

    If you ask me, you don't need no therapist. Not desiring conventional sex is nothing abnormal. What you describe is masochistic/submissive sexual desires.

    I suggest you visit a bdsm board such as this one; <mod edit Robin - Please do not link to material unsuitable for minors on a board that has them> (it also has a section where you can ask questions to a doctor; i 'm just not sure how active it is at the moment, since it's a while I have been there, but there is a ton of useful information).

    I suggest that you look for a partner into bdsm and explore your fantasies. Find out what is risk-free for your health, what is not, and feel free to engage in the former.

    On the fantasy you describe I know this much; human feces can potentially infect you lethally if you consume them. The urine of a healthy person on the other hand is harmless.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 17, 2007
  15. Cestmoi

    Cestmoi Well-Known Member

    Do I remember wrong or you had said once in a post of yours that you appreciate Jung's theories.. ?

    The last thing you want to do with something like that is suppress it.

    For good or for ill, there people out there who's idea of love is hurting the other person, and those who love getting hurt. Those who love to be served and those who love to serve. And they fit brilliantly, into beautiful relationships that they both enjoy.

    It is possible to shift your focus from potentially harmful fantasies to harmless ones. But for all I know, a person with such fantasies will never go back to vanilla sex and love.

    To the OP, abusive childhood has nothing to do with it. Such tendencies (masochistic) first appear at a very, very young age, before anyone would get the chance to abuse you, or you would get used to the idea of being hurt.

    But being hurt in any form outside the way you fantasize about it, will feel the same way any other human being experiences it.
     
  16. immure

    immure Account Closed

    :blub:
     
  17. Darkone

    Darkone Active Member

    I know a lot more about this subject then you know and anyone that says eating and drinking someones waste is safe is wrong. I have looked into the long term effects and there are certain diseases you can catch. You may not catch them the first time but you have a high chance if you do it on a regular basis. Supposedly a lot of people think drinking pee is safe but if you look into it really is not. A lot of BDSM boards are not good places to find good info on this. That's why I know serving as a toilet is suicidal and not healthy ab-normal sexual activity. I wish it was or I would not be here:blink:
     
  18. curtius

    curtius Well-Known Member

    Perhaps this is repetitive but bear with me...

    What is it you might enjoy most about someone useing you as a toilet?

    PM if you would rather....

    ~C
     
  19. Darkone

    Darkone Active Member

    What I love about a women using me as the toilet is the smell. For some reason I really like the smell of woman's poop but does not turn me on. I would love to know how it taste. For some reason I what to know how it feels to have pee and poop fill my belly. I'm only seeking women though.
     
  20. Darkone

    Darkone Active Member

    I think what sort of depresses me more is there not many women that will use a guy as her full toilet. I know this sounds weird but it depresses me because it makes it hard to find someone. Can I have a taste and get over this? Or will I become obsessed with it. Will my obsession become my doom.
     
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