I'm not actually feeling suicidal today, but I want to be dead. That happens a lot. A little over a week ago I actually wanted to kill myself, today I just want to be dead. I've been depressed and lonely most of my life, even as a child. The only time things were happy was when my daughter was a little girl. She's grown and moved out. I'm back to being worthless. I'm fat, ugly and old. I just take up air and space. The only 2 people in my life are with me for my money. Not that I have much, but more than these too. It's just not worth it anymore.