I want to be dead

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Autumn01, Dec 22, 2009.

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  1. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I want to be dead- I am so worthless in this damn useless world and all I am is a burden. I hate life- bah hum bug. I will never be one of those people that enjoys life and I never have been.

    My mom is always saying you're negative about everything- well not everyone enjoys being in the world and there's nothing to be positive about.

    I'm so tired of struggling- I just want to be done with it all- I just have to wait til Feb though GRRRRRRRRR
  2. Android

    Android Well-Known Member

    Think back to any instance where you were happy. I know there's at least one time. Try a hobby? I know exactly how you feel, and it's gotten hard to get out of bed everyday. I focus on music to distract me and release my feelings, so try listening to music that echoes how you feel or distracts you from how you feel. I can suggest some bands if you'd like.

    Why do you have to wait until February?
  3. openingdoors

    openingdoors Member

    I know how you feel. There's no place for me in this world, my mind is so ****ed up that there's no fixing it. I never really had a chance. I just wanna end it all, but the thought still scares me.
  4. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I could sleep 24/7 easily- have lots of times and still wake up feeling miserable and tired.
    I have to wait til February because I have a ticket to a concert in February and I'm sopposed to try to get a drawing signed at the concert if I can.
  5. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Thanks- I know how you feel too.
    I'm not scared to do it- I just don't want to live through it.
    I don't want attempt after attempt.
  6. i know exactly how you feel, i cant wait till january, thats my time to depart this shit excuse of a life. i cant wait, im so excited, nervous at the same time though. I think the best death a person can have, no matter how slow or painful is to die happy. so when i go my last thoughts are gonna be happy ones.
  7. Android

    Android Well-Known Member

    What concert?
    And if you haven't succeeded before, maybe you're not meant to yet.
  8. orangejulius

    orangejulius Well-Known Member

    Please, everyone, think about how permanent suicide is. I have contemplated it many times in my life, and nearly carried it out, but what always stopped me was the thought of what I would leave behind. Not financial problems. What would my mother, father, brothers or sister do if I killed myself? What would my nephews or nieces do? What would my friends and coworkers do?

    I know I would be crushed if one of my friends killed them self. It might even make me consider it. Even when I hear of someone I don't know committing suicide, it hurts me.

    If the thought of never getting to do anything you've wanted to doesn't stop you, think of the people you will hurt.

    Please stick around, there are a lot of people who want to help you. I know they've helped me.
  9. Alliance

    Alliance Well-Known Member

    But they don't live your life and know how you feel. I love my family, but they don't ease my pain and know of the isolation, the heartache, the pain, the absolute hatred of the world that I have.

    People have to think of themselves first. Yes, it may seem selfish, but this world is just so damned awful that no one should feel obligated to stay in such a hellish world.
  10. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    George Strait concert.
    I haven't attempted before- just thoughts frequently.
  11. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Thanks- not really enough for me to want to live though.
  12. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I couldn't agree more- they aren't in my miserable shoes and they won't ever truly understand how I actually feel inside- worthless, lonely, a burden.
    I'm not meant for life. I'm sooooooo miserable alive- it's an everyday endless battle for me which I'm so damn tired of fighting and all for what? Nothing- only to do it all again the next day and so on.......... :badday:
  13. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    The whole point in life is to work towards something, to achie..... argh, fuck this philosophy bullshit. I feel the same. But seriously, if it's a specific problem I can help fix it, but a whole fucking mindset, a mentality, that really is beyond it, all I can say is, is there anything you want to work towards? You seem young, don't you have dreams or ambitions? A "purpose" isn't going to fall from the sky and land on your ass, you have to find one. Why not treat life as one big f2p MMORPG?
  14. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I don't have dreams or ambitions anymore.
    Not that young- 30 :cry2:
  15. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    30 is not too late. Do you have a job? A husband, kids? Friends? You have parents... Who do you live with?
  16. diver200

    diver200 Senior Member

    God do I ever know what you mean. I am 49 years old and have been trying hard to find lasting happiness. Still no luck. I am lucky enough to say that there have been some happy times, but i had a major blow in 2006 (was medically retired from the USAF) and now I feel so empty and worthless. I know it is stupid, but i defined myself by my service. I so, so, so much wanted to at least make it to my 20 but was cut off five years short. I can't seem to put that behind me and move forward, but no good. My mind constantly drifts back to that heart ache and all the shit that started it, and so I have given up trying to find happniess. I'm tired, and empty, and unmotivated, and depressed, and.... .and. . . . and

    I don't want to kill myself, I just want to be dead. I've let everyone down, including myself. I fucked up my family along the way. I've made attempts, but even fucked up at those. What a loser.....can't even do that right.
  17. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I lost my job this year- not that I was a happy person working believe me I was just as depressed.

    Nope, no boyfriend, no husband. No guy would want me anyway nor put up with me.

    Friends- Hardly any that I see in person.

    My mom drives me crazy and she says I drive her crazy- she would be okay without me and just go on with her normal life.

    I don't talk to my dad haven't for many years and don't see any reason to do so.
  18. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry- I can relate to alot of what you feel.
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