I want to be gone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ket93, Jan 6, 2009.

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  1. ket93

    ket93 Well-Known Member

    I dont want to die... but the way I feel right now I want to be gone... I want to feel no more pain, I want to know nothing but true happiness for the rest of my life...
    I am so hurt right now I cannot even see clearly.
    My BF keeps making me think more and more he does not even love me anymore... and I have already started to make myself believe that so what else do I have?
    I just wish it was like it used to be with him. It was so good... why cant it be like that anymore?
    I dont want to be here anymore. I dont want to sit here and cry like this anymore. I want to be happy and I want someone to love me...
     
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Ket93,
    Have you sat down with him and had a good heart to heart talk? Have you told him how you are feeling? Maybe you are right about you assumtions, but that is no reason to kill yourself.
    I know how painfull it is when you loose a mate. When my fiance decided to start cheating on me she didn't even try to hide it. She would stay away from anywhere from one night up to a week. She ripped me off for $18,000 I got from closing out my 401k early. She stuck it in another bank account behind my back. there wasn't anything I could do about it because I voluntarily deposited like a fool in our joint account.
    After I got past greiving for her I took the next step which was anger. I never made it past that because it was as far as I needed to go. Sure I layed there at night crying into my pillow. I am 52 and have made my choice there will be no more relationships for me, and I am comfortable with that. You are young you will find someone to love you when you heel your heart.
    Then again your BF might fool you and start showing the love and caring you need once you have talked to him. Some men just need that little push. Maybe you are putting off confusing vibes so he has backed off until he figures it out.. I hope some of this helped. Take Care!!~Joseph~
     
  3. ket93

    ket93 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your thoughts... I am just so very hurt and confused right now that I am not sure where to turn or what to do anymore. I think it is obvious how I feel and I think he knows how I feel. I could be wrong, but I think he knows I love him very much. I think the little problems have just led up to this point and I am not sure to go from here. I feel like I want to be with him so bad, but by the things he has said to me, like needing his personal space, I feel like maybe I just need to let him go completely so I am not in such pain. But I know either way I go, if I let him go, or if we just break up all together, I will be devastated. And I may be young, but have had enough heart ache already in my life, I really dont think I can take anymore... And that is a very sad feeling to me... to live out the rest of what I call a life by myself and lonely...
     
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Ket,
    I really feel for you!! I am sure if it has to end then once you admit it to yourself you can start healing. You will know when it is time as you will know when to start dating other people. I feel that everyone has a true soul mate they just have to find them.
    When I lost my fiance I layed there in bed and cried about it for a couple of months and then one day I admitted to myself that it was ment to be. You see I always picked the wrong women for me. My therapist told me that I would go after the partiers because of the excitement they brought with them. Then I wound up growing up when my daughter was born and my ex never did. Hell she is in her fifties now and is still going out drinking and smoking pot. She has two other kids from someone else. The boy is in jail for selling drugs and she leaves the younger girl home alone all the time with no groceries in the house.
    I had my my soul mate and didn't know it at the time. She waited for me when I moved out west with my parents and then she still waited when I joined the Marine Corps. When I finally came back to town we dated for a while and then I broke it off with her because at the time I was strung out on drugs and she was a church goer who didn't party. I didn't want to lead her on and use her so I told her I was no good and we shouldn't see each other anymore. I didn't mean to hurt her I was just being honest because at the time I was no good.
    We here at the forum are ready and willing to listen to you and to show support to you in these dark times you are going thru. I wish the best for you!!~Joseph~
     
  5. ket93

    ket93 Well-Known Member

    Joseph,
    Thank you very much for sharing that with me and giving me advice... I know deep down in my heart that if it is truly meant to be it will be... and if not, well then I have a long road ahead of me...
    I know that people get over relationships all the time, and I am not different and probably if we dont work, then somehow, someday I will get over it... maybe.
    Or be lonely and miserable the rest of my life... but either way I am old enough and been through enough to know that you cannot force something that is not there or that is not meant to be.
    I do love him with all my heart/ And in my mind, I believe we are soul mates. I felt a deep connection with him before I even met him in person... we starting talking on Myspace.
    I have found so much support here and I know that no matter what happens, I have this forum to depend on for support. That means a great deal to me!
    Take care.
     
  6. mystereo2099

    mystereo2099 Well-Known Member

    There are so many ppl in the world, don't waste a second on one that doesn't appreciate you and like you just the way you are. Love would be nothing without loss, and loss would be nothing without love. Life is long and you may see this person again in ten years...
     
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