i want to be left alone

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Axiom, Feb 23, 2010.

  1. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    i dont want the dogs, i dont want the puppies, i dont want the fish, i dont want the work, i dont want to go home, i dont want anyone or anything. everytime i start to get a few minutes to myself to uncramp my damn brain so i can think, theres always something just something that will need my DAMN attention. fucking anything and everything how damn hard is it to have a day, 24 hours of pure solitude .. im possible and JusT when i get 4 hours to myself! minus looking after fucking dogs puppies and fish i get a fucking phone call from my mom talking about flights back home! Fuck im in debate about going back permenatly because im so fucked up im geting worse and making everyone else around me miserable. but i dont want to thbink about it! id dont want to talk about it. I want to sit, play the stupid game that I hate, because Ill get so fed up with it that ill get into my mind set that im wasting time and start thinking about things properly. but nooo no no no i cant do that. Fuck no Ive got to be fucking hijacked by someone elses flow of life. Fuck your life! Leave me alone! .. just dont feel sad about it. I hate that! .. ug now my teas cold . for fuck sakes.
  2. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    PM me whenever you need a chat. or even just a friend to know your hurting. i dont even have to reply if you dont want me to. it sounds silly but it helps me to know people care. you sound so sad. i want to be there for you. :hug:
  3. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Thanks sam. I appreciate the offer. It's nice to know people care. . I have people in my life that care, but that caring always comes with something else. Like whenever I talk there's always these responces to things they "know" to be causes. In the end it'll always relate back to certain causes. Well sometimes I need to deal with the feelings aswell. Just saying change this doesn't alter the fact that I FEEL something. And perhaps changing those reasons isn't that easy either. But there's never enough peace to channel through my feelings and understand them. Im so lost i dont know how I feel, my only feeling I understand now is a reaction, and it's becoming very hostile. I hate it so much, I feel like every feeling I could feel is so saturated that I cant feel anymore, and im reacting to the slightest of things.
    Sometimes it feels so bad, and never ending. Even when I sleep it doesn't feel like a break.
    I just.. want to get intouch with me again. Im just fed up and burnt out