I want to be selfish.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by SaraRose, May 9, 2014.

  1. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    Yeah mom lost a husband. But does anyone stop for 2 f*cking seconds and think about how me and my brothers lost a dad. No we're left to fend for ourselves. Why because losing a dad is less tragic then a husband. I want just someone to sit with me and keep my mind busy. Because I hate the fact that my mind keeps telling me it's my fault dad died. But no one will. They will keep ignoring us. Making me make my brothers happy because a husband is important but not dad.
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I felt exactly the same when my dad died and I'm 58!
    Even at the funeral, everyone rallied to my mother and I felt completely left alone with my grief.
    Is there anyone you can talk to, a friend, teacher, relative? because feelings of guilt and anger are natural and part of the grieving process, but should not be bottled up.
  3. Hatshepsut

    Hatshepsut Guest

    Losing parents and spouses might be something like choosing between death by musket or by arrows, all aboard a pirate ship like the Black Pearl. It's not your fault, though. Like frogs, people croak. I don't know what obligations you have toward your siblings, but none of the obligations include making someone else happy. I don't think any of us can control whether someone else is happy. I don't think any of us controls how or when another person stops being alive and begins being dead, except by acts of murder or warfare unlikely involved here. If you didn't kill anyone, then it's not your fault.

    The fellas who are bugging you about it are perhaps operating from side agendas of some kind. Of course I can't know what these are, but it seems that whoever is doing this is unable to state their issue directly, and so presents you with innuendo instead. Yet where crooked crocodiles fill the water, all the best luck o' the English-speaking world may yet come to you anyway. Best wishes.
  4. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    Terry- that's how it's been for me this whole week. A house full of people, none who just sit with me and talk or just watch TV, anything. I have 2 friends that have been texting me since they are out of town.

    Harshest- I've been stuck having to comfort them when they cry, while a house filled with family sit around mom. I keep telling myself it's not my fault, it was sickness. But my mind just won't let me.
  5. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am SO sorry your father died. I remember the agony when my dad died. It was horrible. I come from a family of people who keep everything inside. So I didnt have any support. And believe me,I needed it.

    I hope you can find some way to get support. To really know that your dad dying was not your fault. And FYI, you are not being selfish at all. Of course you need support. I ended up having to go to a therapist to get help after he died. If that is not a possibility for you, is there any sort of counseling you can get anywhere? I think its very important. You have needs. Its very normal.
  6. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    Flowers- I would do therapy. But right now I'm doctor-less. So I think I have to find a regular doctor first.

    I think the only reason I'm still here is because of 2 friends that have just.been constantly texting me. Even though it's a strain on them.
  7. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    My heart goes out to you. I am confused as to why you take the blame upon yourself that your father is dead? Death is a sad reality in this life. It isn't fair to blame ourselves for things out of our control. Is it? I am sure that no one is trying to ignore your or your brothers. Your mother might be in shock. Coming to terms with death takes time. You are so strong for helping with your brothers. I applaud your willingness to do so. :hug: Things may be busy right now, and you may be feeling neglected. But I trust your mother will comfort you when she is able emotionally and mentally.
    It doesn't make you any less important. It's quite the opposite. In order to comfort you correctly; a mother has to gather strength from others and within herself. Once the crowd leaves, and it's quiet. You should have your time. You have my thoughts and prayers. :hug:

    P.s. I also believe your feelings are normal about wanting comfort. I don't feel they are selfish at all.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 11, 2014
  8. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Do you have someone who can help you find a doctor? Can you speak with a school guidence counselor and ask him or her to help you find the help you need? I remember that when my father died I needed someone to help me find help. An aunt was the one who was willing to help me find help. But if you do not have an adult family member who can help with that, maybe the school guidence counselor can help??