i want to but i dont

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by spiritxfade, Jul 30, 2010.

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  1. spiritxfade

    spiritxfade Well-Known Member

    So I don't really cut, which is good, but a while ago I just...sorta did it. Like...last week. I don't really know why I did it. It was like one minute I was standing in the bathroom and the next I had a really shallow cut (didn't even bleed) on my wrist and a safety pin in my hand and I wanted to make the cut deeper (I stopped myself from doing so) and it really scared me because I really wanted to do it more.

    I still want to do it more. I liked it, I liked the physical pain that I could focus on and I liked being able to feel something since I was feeling empty when I was doing it and it scares me that I want to do it so badly because I've seen what it does and I don't want to go there and I promised my friend I wouldn't do it but I really really really want to. I've been trying distractions. Snapping rubber bands works the best, but sometimes it doesn't help at all. I tried writing on my arm with red pen and deluding myself into believing that they were cuts but that didn't work either. I've cried I've written poetry I've run around like a maniac I've done a lot of things but I want to do it so badly....

    But at the same time I feel obligated not to.
  2. ClaireAnnette

    ClaireAnnette Member

    Well it's a good thing that you feel obligated to NOT to, but I know your frustration. I've been stopping myself because I swim and wear swim suits which would show my cuts.

    Maybe you should try calling your friend when you feel like you want to cut yourself? maybe call her up and plan something fun to do in the future, you don't have to talk about the cutting, just talk to her, it may make you feel better just to do that.
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