I want to commit suicide

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Cutie_123, Nov 11, 2008.

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  1. Cutie_123

    Cutie_123 Member

    I went to therapy today and I don't know if it's helping. I have no desire to live. I just want to die every day that I wake up I just think about my own death. I am scared because I am so close right now this minute to just killing myself. I told my therapist how I was feeling and she just was like okay we'll work on it. I NEED HELP!!!
  2. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    i feel the same way somtimes.
  3. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    therapy will often take a good while to help. It can take a while just to build the trusting relationship with your therapist so you can feel comfortable talking. But it sounds like you don't think she's taking you seriously enough or something. I don't know, maybe you could call her tomorrow and tell her how scared you feel? If you're really scared you could go to the hospital and you'll be able to speak with a doctor there.
  4. Cutie_123

    Cutie_123 Member

    see that's the whole thing im at the point in my life where i don't care if i die. If i take an overdose or something then i wont call anyone i will just wait it out and if i die then i die. It doesnt matter and Im not feeling safe tonight.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello cutie_123,

    welcome to the forum :arms:

    Is there anyone you can call to come and stay with you until you feel safe again? Or maybe even go to hospital? Did something trigger you to feel this way tonight? :hug: I hope you feel better soon.
  6. Cutie_123

    Cutie_123 Member

    Im a little embarrassed to call a friend and tell them that i would like to stay with them and I don't want to be a burden. As far as a hospital I have had many bad experiences and the point in suicide is to die so i would be defeating the purpose. See my problem is that i have repetitive thoughts and plans to commit suicide that don't leave my head and in order to get away from them i just give in when they get too bad. I feel really desparate tonight. I have been feeling really overwhelmed with school going back to work and just feeling like a failure.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    If they are close friends they won't think of you as being a burden.
    Maybe you could just tell them you're feeling ill or something.
    I think you should throw the pills away :yes: and keep them away incase those thoughts get too much for you too handle.
    Are you on any medication? :hug:
  8. Cutie_123

    Cutie_123 Member

    yes im on medication and maybe it needs adjusting. im on welbutrin xl and topomax. I think its too late for me. I deserve to die. All the pain and agony that i feel its just not for me this thing called life.
  9. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    I can understand how you feel with the therapist. I told mine that I was even thinking about what to put in my note etc, and then she says if it gets bad, and I interrupted with "I ll just go ahead and do it" she said, don't do this to us????

    Makes you wonder doesn't it. Is there anyone you can call and just talk about things in general when you feel the urge, I find that helps.
  10. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Cutie. No one deserves to die, especially not you. If you think that your medication needs to be changed then talk to your doctor about some different meds. Please don't give up hun. :hug:
  11. Cutie_123

    Cutie_123 Member

    you know rejection is a huge thing for me. I keep on feeling rejected from many people and it goes just deeper than that. I hung in there last night because i was talking to somebody i was seeing and we made plans to see eachother and i didn't want to disappoint him. but he has already cancled on me twice and as of right now he hasn't confirmed our date for tommorrow. I know its sad to say i live for other people sometimes but i will have nothing to live for tommorrow so why not just kill myself tonight? Im seriously thinking about it again... I was in my car tonight and was just thinking about a way of committing suicide and was soooo close to doing it!!! I really do need help
  12. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Please keep talking to us here on the forum. Perhaps if you are really close to suiciding, you could go to a crisis center or the emergency room at the hospital until you are safe. Even calling a crisis line can help.

    I hope you are already feeling better by the time you are back online reading this. The bad times in life do pass, and sometimes in the middle of a bad time, we feel as though things won't get better, but then they do. I'm sure they will for you, so please hang on. :hug:
  13. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    I am sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. Don't give up even if the therapist has failed you. Please stay with us and do not do anything to harm yourself. When did you start feeling this way?
  14. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Cutie,
    I also live with suicidal thoughts dailey. I have for years. My therapist has taught me how to cope with them. Well I should say did help because I am walking that thin line myself right now.
    A couple of the coping skills I have learned are:1) To use positive self talk. 2) Visualization-Picture yourself somewhere calm and beautiful. 3) To use controlled breathing. I use 2&3 togethor and it tends to calm me down.
    I know what you mean about your therapist not wanting to talk about suicide. Mine is the same way. She skirts around the subject. I think it is because if you talk about it and methods they are obligated to report you and have you picked up for them to decide if you are definitly in crisis.
    You have to talk this thru with someone so why don't you PM someone you trust here on the forum and let it all out. You will feel better when you get it out in the open. Good Luck to you. And know we care!!~Joseph~
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