i want to cut deep now

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by letty, Jul 25, 2012.

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  1. letty

    letty Banned Member

    I have been only scratching lately due to the fact that i was going
    in for surgery, and I didnt want them to see fresh cut marks all over,
    the surgery is over now, and I am wanting to cut deep all over now
    the urge is getting stronger today, i fear i have let a friend down, i failed
    them they attempted suicide I couldnt stop them, i am a failure at being a
    friend. i want to cut deep now.the urge is strong and the paranoia is too much.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    A friend hun would not put so much responsibility on you You are not a professional and your friend needs a professional to help You hun could only try and in the end it was up to friend to do the right thing and get help You are not i repeat responsible for anyone but YOU so stay safe ok please don't sh hugs
     
  3. letty

    letty Banned Member

    Total eclipse, thank you for your kind words and encouragement
    I just feel i want to cut so deep to take away the pain , and to pay for being such a
    dissapointment to them , and to others even here that i cant help . i just made some one get mad
    when i didnt mean too. i want to cut deep . i am a failure as a friend . im sorry
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No hun you are not a failure as a friend it is them that is the failure You like i said hun can only help you and they have to help themselves by getting the professional help they need to get better hugs
     
  5. letty

    letty Banned Member

    I had stopped cutting for along time but when something bad happens i feel like i have to cut the urge just groes so much its like i cant stop
    thinking about it i try to think i didnt fail but then the tears come and i get mad at me and say you failed, just like i failed isabel my sister . shes
    gone too and i couldnt help her, the deeper i cut is best. im sorry i am not explaining , i am just a failure
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You cannot blame you for your sisters death hun but i do know the guilt it entails i blame me every day for nto saving my brother harming ourselves hun your sister would not want that You are not a failure hun far from it you are a fighter ok get some help hun for you ok hugs
     
  7. letty

    letty Banned Member

    I am sorry about your brother, you know the guilt , my sister wouldnt want me to cut, but i have this urge to jusy go deep
    and with the illness i want to go deeper
     
  8. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Letty,

    Cutting will not help. I've done that often enough to know that the guilt and anger gets worse when we do cut. You can only do so much...
     
  9. letty

    letty Banned Member

    my friends attempt scared me so much , I felt useless, just like isabels death i was useless,
    the cuts need to be deeper
     
  10. letty

    letty Banned Member

    Total Eclipse thank you for your help and for understanding , and Lightbeam thank you for your the word experience that helps
     
  11. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOu need to let go of the pain not cause you more pain hun your sister would not say you were useless i know you felt that way i know but it is not true dam guilt hun
    YOur friend i hope is getting the help needed now by professionals to heal not your burden ok your sister hun not your guilt it isn't please hun i know i do know but harming you will not help anything it won't hugs
     
  12. letty

    letty Banned Member

    Thank you total eclipse for your help
    I havent felt this much guilt in a long time, I am paranoid along with being so emotional
    the sickness and everything, the suicide attempt, just makes cutting so helpful, to release
    but cut deep. i will try not to .
     
  13. letty

    letty Banned Member

    my heart is aching my mind is all messed up i took way to many pills i hate myself .overdose and cut
    way deep
     
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