i want to cut so bad.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by lilella44, Sep 14, 2008.

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  1. lilella44

    lilella44 Well-Known Member

    ive been doing so well - its a month and a half since i did it last.
    but i feel so so sad, so numb, so used, so empty, so worthless. it was him that did it, violating my body when all i wanted to do was sleep.
    im only 16 and he's my bf of two years, he should know better, alcohol makes him stupid; but alcohol makes peoples true feelings come out.
    so when i called my dad in tears to come and pick me up from this party the bf runs off and does his emotional blackmail thing once again, then he tells me this morning he'd be dead if his knife wasnt so blunt.
    he has anger issues and this prob makes no sense to any of you but he uses me, every bf i've ever had has done the same thing.
    i've been crying all day, all last night. he didnt bother to say goodbye, he didnt take care of me when i was drinking. i was alone, like i am now.

    in a way i wish so bad i hadnt thrown those razor blades out; they were my saviour when things got too bad to handle.
    i must be over reacting; i must be... f*cking useless.

    physical pain; bleeding from my arms is the only thing that distracts me from the burden of pain inside; the demons in my head.
    i want to run so far so fast.
    i want to scream.
    i want to starve.
    i want to hurt.
     
  2. Arcturus

    Arcturus Active Member

    I'm really sorry you're feeling this way, but I'm glad you are able to get some of it off your chest by posting here. If you need someone to listen to a rant, I'm here, just one PM away. Regardless, I hope you feel better. Take care of yourself.
     
  3. notwanting2live

    notwanting2live Well-Known Member

    i hope you havent self harmed, as doing a month and a half is really good. dont ever let a boy get you down, no relationship is worth that. please belive me. i hope you are ok, and please feel free to PM me anytime, as i self harm as well, so we can help each other, when we feel the urges. please talk instead of cutting.

    Take Care

    Xx Sky xX
     
  4. AlexDanish

    AlexDanish Account Closed

    I know how it feels to be numb and to be hurt and your not alone :sad: But you're not worthless, your boyfriend just did something incredibly selfish and mean. I know how much it must hurt, but your not worthless just because he did this to you.

    It sounds like your boyfriend isn't being fair to you, and he's using you and treating you very bad. You should probably break up with him? You don't deserve to be hurt by someone like he hurt you - nobody does. Break up with him, and if he gets angry or threatens, you can always go to your family or to the police. Abuse has absolutely NO place in a relationship. You don't need to take this from anyone.

    I wish I had some great advice for you, but I really don't. But I 100% understand your urges to cut. To punish yourself because of how the world just seems to beat down on you, and treats you unfairly and screws you over. And to be so upset you just want to scream or punish yourself or go insane. But you don't need to. Things will get better, they really will. You can make it through this. :hug:

    You can PM me if you ever want to talk about things :smile:
     
  5. lilella44

    lilella44 Well-Known Member

    thankyou guys so much.
    your advice really did help.
    i didnt end up cutting :)
     
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