ive been doing so well - its a month and a half since i did it last. but i feel so so sad, so numb, so used, so empty, so worthless. it was him that did it, violating my body when all i wanted to do was sleep. im only 16 and he's my bf of two years, he should know better, alcohol makes him stupid; but alcohol makes peoples true feelings come out. so when i called my dad in tears to come and pick me up from this party the bf runs off and does his emotional blackmail thing once again, then he tells me this morning he'd be dead if his knife wasnt so blunt. he has anger issues and this prob makes no sense to any of you but he uses me, every bf i've ever had has done the same thing. i've been crying all day, all last night. he didnt bother to say goodbye, he didnt take care of me when i was drinking. i was alone, like i am now. in a way i wish so bad i hadnt thrown those razor blades out; they were my saviour when things got too bad to handle. i must be over reacting; i must be... f*cking useless. physical pain; bleeding from my arms is the only thing that distracts me from the burden of pain inside; the demons in my head. i want to run so far so fast. i want to scream. i want to starve. i want to hurt.