I want to cut...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by xZombiexAngelx, Mar 12, 2011.

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  1. xZombiexAngelx

    xZombiexAngelx Well-Known Member

    I haven't cut in almost 2 1/2 years. And now, I feel so worthless and helpless, and I think I might start turning to cutting again. I have no idea what to do. Last night and today have probably been the worst day/night I've had in such a long time, and I feel so stressed and depressed. What should I do to take my mind off all of this? I'm afraid if I don't do something, it's going to happen, and I won't want to stop. If I cut once, I'll want 10 more, and after 10, I'll want 20 more.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry things are so rough right now...but SH will not make those things any easier, in fact, you will probably feel worse after the few seconds of relief passes...maybe talking to someone about what is going on will give you other strategies to deal with these difficult times...J
     
  3. xZombiexAngelx

    xZombiexAngelx Well-Known Member

    I don't really have any one to talk to. If I did, I don't think I would be thinking of turning to SH.
     
  4. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    You can talk to me. :hug: You have made it so far! Don't give in now.
     
  5. xZombiexAngelx

    xZombiexAngelx Well-Known Member

    Thanks.

    I think about SH all the time. I never do it, but I still think about it. I had a reason to stop. Now, I don't have a reason.
     
  6. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    It might be time to find a new reason not to sweetie.
     
  7. xZombiexAngelx

    xZombiexAngelx Well-Known Member

    I wish I could find a reason, but I can't. I've been thinking all day, trying to find a reason. But I can't seem to find a legitimate reason to not SH.
     
  8. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    How old are you? Do you have younger siblings? I tend to not do it for my little brother
     
  9. xZombiexAngelx

    xZombiexAngelx Well-Known Member

    I'm 17. I have a 4, almost 5 year old half brother. But I never see him, my dad's "girlfriend" keeps him away from me. Because I'm a "freak".
     
  10. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    and she's a bitch. how is your relationship with your mom?
     
  11. xZombiexAngelx

    xZombiexAngelx Well-Known Member

    I haven't seen my mom since I was 5. I talk to her, but I don't really like her much. She's never been here for me.
     
  12. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    you live with your dad? :hug: Im sorry hun. what about friends? they help make you not want to cut?
     
  13. xZombiexAngelx

    xZombiexAngelx Well-Known Member

    Yeah, and my dad hates me, I think. He chooses his "girlfriend" and my little brother over me. No matter how many times I've told him I don't like the way she treats me, he keeps her around.

    I don't really have many friends. I have 2 good guys friends, but that's it. And I only know them online. I used to have friends in rl, but they all abandoned me.

    So I'm pretty much alone with everything.
     
  14. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    You should talk to him. Tell him how you feel like he hates you. Also, could you talk to the guy friends you know online about this?

    If your rl friends deserted you then they weren't really friends <3
     
  15. xZombiexAngelx

    xZombiexAngelx Well-Known Member

    I have talked to him about it, every time he says "Things will change. Promise." Nothing ever changes. So, I gave up trying to get him to realize how all of this affects me.

    I only really talk to one of them, like, on a personal level. But I don't think he understands. He just tries to make me smile and cheer me up. But then an hour later, I'm back to feeling worthless. I think it's my ex's fault. He made me feel worthless. He triggered all of this tonight.

    Yeah, I know they weren't my friends. Especially the girl who kept stealing my boyfriends. I had nobody, so I kept forgiving her. But this last time, she took it too far. Long story :/
     
  16. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    I wish I could help more. :hug: Just know that if you ever need to talk you can drop me a PM. Hang in there.
     
  17. xZombiexAngelx

    xZombiexAngelx Well-Known Member

    Thanks. I'm gonna try to talk to my friend tonight. Work everything out and all that.
     
  18. xZombiexAngelx

    xZombiexAngelx Well-Known Member

    I ended up self-harming tonight... I couldn't control myself... Right after I told my best friend...
     
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