i want to die again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cookiemonster, Mar 8, 2010.

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  1. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    i know i have the appointment coming up. i know its something that should keep me going but things are getting heavy again. i can barely leave the house without being beaten up. i'm scared to go to school and i'm avoiding it at all costs, even though i hate being at home. the people who do this are everywhere and they are right when they say i deserve to die. i don't deserve help anymore. i regret posting that i wanted it. there is no point trying anymore. i give up. i'm sorry to all of you who try to help me. i'm just a burden none of you should have to deal with
     
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Sorry, but if someone tells you you deserve to die, that is instantly wrong. You do NOT deserve to die. You DO deserve for the pain to end, but that does not mean death.

    Who is it that beats you up?

    I also don't think that anyone here would see you as a burden. You're someone who is hurting, and that makes you just the same as most other people here. Nothing more, nothing less.
     
  3. Beautiful Disaster

    Beautiful Disaster Forum Buddy SF Supporter

    what's wrong emily? Why are you saying that
     
  4. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    there are a lot of them. just people who live near me who think i should suffer. as i have said before, i am a bad person.

    i am a burden on a lot of people. people avoid talking to me a lot of the time because of it.

    i can't deal with it. i was getting better and this is just shit. i don't deserve your help. it'll probably be thrown back in your faces
     
  5. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    emily you are NOT a bad person

    that's what all the other want you to believe

    we know better and want to let you know it
     
  6. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    i am a really bad person. seriously i am. a lot of people would be better off without me
     
  7. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    What is it that makes you think you are a bad person?
     
  8. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    i'm selfish, i hurt people, i'm useless. there's no point to me so i'm here just hurting people
     
  9. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Being selfish, and hurting people is part of being a human, a person. That's what you are, a human, and you are fallable like the rest of us. We are all selfish at times (and its not always a bad thing, it can be a very good thing), and we all hurt people. Its a sad fact about being human.

    From what I have seen of you on here, you are far from useless. However, if you feel useless, why not change that and do something positive and proactive in your life and make yourself feel useful.
     
  10. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    like what?
     
  11. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    For me personally, I found that volunteering made a huge difference because I knew I was doing something worthwhile. In my instance I was helping animals and educating people, but you can volunteer in so many different ways of value, that you can find something that is enjoyable to you, that also give you some self worth, confidence and esteem.

    Have you ever tried anything like that? Do you think its something that might be worth looking into?

    Other ways would be to work towards being in a job that made you feel useful, something like that.
     
  12. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    i already volunteer. i am a first aider and i do sport volunteering to get children more active. but still i feel worthless.
     
  13. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Awesome. That's great. When you do what you do, do you feel its worthwhile?
     
  14. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    i feel nothing
     
  15. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    It may be its not the 'right' thing for you. I do wonder though, if, when you get help and get your mood lifted, if it will help you to see the good you are doing.
     
  16. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    :hug: sorry ur hurting soooo much, but you are far from a burden and you are worthwihile, you deserve help!!
     
  17. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    maybe yeah. it used to feel good. i've been a first aider for nearly 5 years and i coached rugby for two. recently been working with primary schools but it doesn't feel good
     
  18. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    That's great. The fact it has flet good previously implies that it is probably blighted by your illness. If you can get that to a better place, then hopefully you will be able to see the truth about yourself, which is that you do have self worth, you are useful, you are not the horrible person you think you are, and many more things. Maybe you owe it to yourself to do your best to get there, because you've already fought so hard and if you give in now, you've thrown it all away because of people who don't deserve to be listened to (i.e. those who beat you up and tell you you deserve to die and stuff)?
     
  19. cookiemonster

    cookiemonster Banned Member

    i just can't do it anymore
     
  20. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    What is 'it'? the pain you feel?
     
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