I'm scared because I feel myself getting dangerously close to suicide. I've always had suicidal ideations but never before has it been an urge this intense. I have several plans in mind, all of which will be 100% fatal and I don't know what's stopping me anymore. I don't have hope anymore that it will get better, because it won't. I am unable to change and it's become intolerable. I don't know what is wrong with me but it can't be fixed. To make matters worse I feel I am on the road to developing a prescription pill addiction because I've been taking them lately to self medicate, just to calm down and feel level. I have never experienced anything like this before and I know it could get bad. Addiction runs in my family and I swore I would never end up that way. The anxiety and despair is so overwhelming that the pills are my only relief so I don't know what to do. I've always just dealt with it in my head but it's become far too bad to do now. I don't know what to do anymore. It's like I've dug myself into a pit so far that I can't possibly get out.