I want to die because I'm a failure

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sadness, May 21, 2015.

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  1. sadness

    sadness New Member

    I have always been anti-social. I probably have some undiagnosed disorder. Or maybe I'm just a coward. Who knows? I turn 30 in one week and I've never had a girlfriend or even dated. Several women have expressed interest (even someone with my terrible sense of social cues could tell), but I didn't find them attractive so I pretended I didn't recognize their advances.

    Most of my problems stem from confidence issues and an unwillingness to settle for my station in life. Though until recently, that unwillingness has been my source of strength. You see, I haven't let my loneliness bother me too much because I've been busy trying to make something of myself and rise above my station. I decided to attend law school on some misguided belief that I could turn myself into something of value. After spending four years in law school while working full time, I find myself with a JD and no real job. There are tons of people with JDs in my same position, but I imagine very few of them had put all of their hopes into becoming something. I was trying to earn self-respect by completing law school. And it backfired. Big time.

    Anyway, now that I'm done law school, and I don't have a job that utilizes my JD, I have nothing to help me cope with my loneliness anymore. So not only do I fail as a lawyer, but now I have nothing to keep me from thinking about how I have failed as a person.

    I can't bring myself to do anything. I'm supposed to be studying 8 hours a day for the bar exam, but I don't see the point anymore.

    But it doesn't matter. I'm probably too much of a pussy to do anything about it. <mod edit- nyjmpmaster- methods>
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, my sister wants to do the bar exam too, she's just got her corporate law degree. It's very stressful, a lot of studying so she says but glad the degree is finished with for now.

    I am sorry you are feeling the way you are, it's a horrible way to be, I really hope you can pull through this safely. You have a bright future in front of you, best of luck.
  3. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You are declaring yourself a failure as a lawyer when you are not yet lawyer nor even taken that the bar exam yet. Admittedly a Juris Doctorate is not the premier degree to have until you take and pass the bar exam , but you can still make decent money working in an attorneys office as a aide/paralegal while studying for the bar as many do, or by volunteering in a public legal aide office to increase the depth of your resume and experience. There is no degree that is a guarantee of success after education but there is a guarantee you cannot succeed until you at least try. I think you are being very premature in calling yourself a failure.

    The same would apply to women/dating - you admit women have approached you and shown interest and you willingly chose not to respond- that is not you failing- I guess you could say they failed to meet your standard but it was certainly not a failure if women are approaching you and you decline. If you want it to go faster then you could choose to approach only women that you feel are attractive and they will either respond positively if they are also interested or pretend not to understand if they do not just as was your prerogative. If you do not wish to approach women then will simply need to wait until one you are attracted to approaches you- but that is a choice not a failure.

    So long as you do not quit and decide you are a a failure before ever having tried then I do not see anyway the definition of failing applies to any of the situations you described. You tried law school and successfully passed. It has not backfired unless you had a preconceived notion that upon earning that degree your whole life would change and no longer require any effort on your part. If it has not met your expectations since graduating then you may need to consider what your expectations were and if they were reasonable and then just like when in law school determine what areas you need to study or practice and then go to class and perform but instead of homework and a classroom it is just life and the area where you live.
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