I want to die but don't want to die,

[theleastofthese]

does that make any sense?? I don't want to leave everything I know but want to leave everything I know. My life is a waste of oxygen and the only ones who'd miss me would be my dogs. My kids have a dad and would soon forget my inept attempts at being their mother. I am looking for a good loving home for my beloved dogs and then I'm gone. No more me. No one cares, really, anyway. I sure don't. sick of being a failure and a burden.

 

[Shadowlands]

*grabs and hugs tight*

 

[Beautiful Disaster]

you want things to change for the better?

:hug:

 

[theleastofthese]

Things will not change for the better. It is long past time to just put an end to this misery.

 

[Godsdrummer]

Hey Least,

It's amazing isnt it. You have been here since July 05. I have been here a few months. And I'll bet you can go back and find similar threads of mine, where I said things like my kids wouldnt miss me, I am a bad father etc.

And people here, helped me thru that fog. I know today that my kids do love me, and would miss me terribly if I did the deed.

Now I am not going to pretend that I know of your situation....but I do know that whatever the kids are showing on the outside, deep down, there is love and they would miss you terribly.
Life sucks, I know. But you and me, and all the other parents here, need to stick it out, for our kids.

I tried to convince myself that well, kids are resiliant etc....but that's all crap. Truth is, kids always love their parents, unless the parent did something so horrific (IE my Dad)...

So hang in there ok....Let's be strong for our kids.

 

[theleastofthese]

you be strong for your kids, my kids don't give a shit if i live or die. their behavior proves that. i've been a failure for 57 years. enough is enough.

 

[gentlelady]

I do care Sooz and I would miss you. I am sorry you are feeling so terrible. What about your grandchildren? I know they love you too. Even if you find a home for your dogs, it will not be the same love you provide. No one cares for animals the way you do. You find love in your heart for them all. Even the ones no one else loves or would bother to try and save. You make a difference Sooz. :hug:

 

[Stranger1]

You do have love in your life whether you want to admit it or not..And if you have grandchildren who's going to spoil them if your not around?? I know I would rather be dead, but my grandaughter sticks in my mind constantly. The day of my brother in laws funeral they had to pry her off me so I could leave.. When we were pulling out of theparking lot she walked up to the car and handed me a single rose and told me I love you grandpa!! I will always remeber that day!! My point is you would be missing out on so much if you commit..Be there for your grandchildren if nothing else..There is no better love than the love of a child!!!Take care!!

 

[crookxshanks]

title of your thread makes complte sense because its the way i feel a lot of the time. if it wasnt for certain things in my life im sure i would have been long gone by now but they've kept me alive even at the very darkest of times. your love for your animals is very apparent and im sure it would break your heart more to see them go. your children need their mother probably more than you realise and surely you would love to see them grow up and live their lives.. to see their kids live their lives as well as you have brought your own kids up. to have that love there all around you from so many members of your family. it must be worth hanging on just for that alone x

 

[mdmefontaine]

please do not ever believe the ''lie'' that your pain tells you....that you are not needed, or loved, or are not important

nothing is further from the truth.

i hope you continue to reach out here....and lean on us until you get stronger hon....i know you have that thread of hope deep inside and with it a ton of courage. don't let go of that.....and don't let go of us. we are here for you....:console:

 

[Ignored]

I'd care. :sad:

 

[gentlelady]

Am wondering how you are feeling today Least. Spend some extra time receiving the love of your dogs. I wish you could feel some of that love for yourself. :hug:

 

[fromthatshow]

Hey I know how you feel!
I am the exact same way.
Back and forth back and forth. Is this what I want?

For me it comes down too... scared to live... scared to die.

But you're wrong. People do care. People that you don't even realize.
For one you have us. And we care a lot!