i hate this. i have a new bf and i have my best friend to think about not to mention my family! i cant die. or can i? i have a gun. i have a razor. i have plenty ways of doing it but i also have plenty of thoughts going through my mind alone wiht the suicidal ones. like who would find me first? would it be my little sisters or my brother. my best friend sam. my boyfriend. my parents. my mum. i know it is the easy way out and i should hold on. but i feel so helpless. and noone even see's me. ::-sad-:: cant i just move on. i ask myself that everyday. but the answer is no, it is so hard to move on. it is so hard to forget what happened. in my mind im getting raped again and again. i should have done something more. i should have ran. i should have done something! but i didnt. i stay in the past. stuck in that position. never leaving. i have my flashbakes even more freakwently but i wont tell anyone. i have a date tomorrow, and i want to be normal. i want to be 14! i want to forget this. i want off my meds! i want to fall in love without being affraid i might hurt someone!but this is all a possibility. one that will never come to be real. sadly i am stuck. wiht no help!