i want to die, but i dont want to kill myself!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by heartaches&tears, Sep 13, 2007.

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  1. i hate this. i have a new bf and i have my best friend to think about not to mention my family! i cant die. or can i? i have a gun. i have a razor. i have plenty ways of doing it but i also have plenty of thoughts going through my mind alone wiht the suicidal ones. like who would find me first? would it be my little sisters or my brother. my best friend sam. my boyfriend. my parents. my mum. i know it is the easy way out and i should hold on. but i feel so helpless. and noone even see's me. ::-sad-:: cant i just move on. i ask myself that everyday. but the answer is no, it is so hard to move on. it is so hard to forget what happened. in my mind im getting raped again and again. i should have done something more. i should have ran. i should have done something! but i didnt. i stay in the past. stuck in that position. never leaving. i have my flashbakes even more freakwently but i wont tell anyone. i have a date tomorrow, and i want to be normal. i want to be 14! i want to forget this. i want off my meds! i want to fall in love without being affraid i might hurt someone!but this is all a possibility. one that will never come to be real. sadly i am stuck. wiht no help!
     
  2. JustWatchMeChange

    JustWatchMeChange Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your pain. You did nothing wrong. I understand what it is like to just want the pain to go away. Now I'm starting to cry and can't see the keyboard so I'll leave it at that. I will never give up and I think you should do the same.
     
  3. ftheunion

    ftheunion Member

    Hey now. This happens to other women too. You definitly should look into counseling or support groups. Does anyone know about the rape that occured? A Highschool counseler can make things happen if you just share this with them.
     
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