I want to die I dont care anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dax, Apr 9, 2015.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. dax

    dax Well-Known Member

    Tired of being a guinea pig, tired of being poked and prodded, tired of adverse side effects, tired of my concerns/complaints being dismissed, tired of experiencing withdrawl like a fucking drug addict. I just want it all to end. But I have to wait and suffer till I get my affairs in order. This illness has taken my life away, I had a shot at a decent life once. But my own stupidity and this illness completely destroyed that. Why? Why do we have to suffer? What is the point? Fuck this, I plan on leaving before things get worse. I suffer from schizoaffective, the medications give me terrible side effects and these side effects can be permanent even if you are removed from the medication causing it. Which in my case the likely outcome. I posted a while back, but things have gotten worse since then. It's difficult to chew my food and now it's hard to talk and hold a conversation.
     
  2. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I feel the same. My life used to be so good and now I suffer and strugle every day and I'm sick of it. They've diagnosed me with schizophrenia but I'm not sure. My illness has taken away my life as well. All that I do is exist and suffer. I feel severely confused all of the time and it's very difficult to live in society when I always feel this way. It's just not fair that some of us have to suffer. I can remember how good life used to be and it's so frustrating to me that I can't be the way that I was. I'm sorry that you are having to suffer but you're not alone.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Half my family have either schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. They are not their illness and you can have a better life It took along time for my daughter to get on the right medication but she is now holding a job has her licence and is living a life she wants and so can you both but it takes time.
     
  4. dax

    dax Well-Known Member

    What medication is she on? I have tried risperdal, seroquel, geodon, latuda,.....non work without severe side effects. risperdal was giving me diabetes and now i have tardive dyskenesia and dystonia. I cant live like this. 14 years of this is too long. I'm glad it worked out for your daughter hope she lives the life of her dreams. but i'm 40 now and there is nothing left for me. better to die now before it gets worse.....and it always does.
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Have you tried zyprexa (olanzapine) ? The only side effect I get from that is drowsiness and hunger pangs, zyprexa helps many people and none i know suffer severe side effects. I'm really sorry for how you feel. Being 40 does not mean your life is over, as they say...life starts when your 40 :)
     
  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Hey I have same thing you got. Im now on 4 med combo haldol klonopin seroquel and lithium

    Ive tried most of the stuff with few allergic reactions
     
  7. dax

    dax Well-Known Member

    I've been lucky in the sense that all the meds have kept my symptoms under control, its just the damn side effects. Now it looks like this tardive dyskenesia is permanent due to the geodon and or latuda. I have an appointment with doc but not till April 20th then a second opinion on the 27th.
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Sorry your side effects are permanent, that is awful. I wish you the best of luck with your appointment :)
     
  9. dax

    dax Well-Known Member

    I dont want to live like this. My doc already said there is not much they can do for me. I am torn between ending this life and trying one more thing. Looking for the best pyschiatrist in the USA and seeing if they can help.
     
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Just curious, do you have a choice of psychiatrists, can you pay and change etc?? Forgive me, I am not from the USA. I really hope things work out for you. You do not deserve to feel this way xx
     
  11. dax

    dax Well-Known Member

    I have dr.'s appointment on the 20th then a second opinion on the 27th. I can change dr. if i want.
     
  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Best of luck with your appointment :)
     
  13. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Good luck Dax.
     
  14. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    I feel for you I feel exactly the same way I don't understand my purpose on this planet
     
  15. dax

    dax Well-Known Member

    My biggest fear is this will become permanent....a friend said I should consider suing because she did not remove me from geodon when the tardive dyskenisia first started, nor inform me that it could be permanent.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.