Tired of being a guinea pig, tired of being poked and prodded, tired of adverse side effects, tired of my concerns/complaints being dismissed, tired of experiencing withdrawl like a fucking drug addict. I just want it all to end. But I have to wait and suffer till I get my affairs in order. This illness has taken my life away, I had a shot at a decent life once. But my own stupidity and this illness completely destroyed that. Why? Why do we have to suffer? What is the point? Fuck this, I plan on leaving before things get worse. I suffer from schizoaffective, the medications give me terrible side effects and these side effects can be permanent even if you are removed from the medication causing it. Which in my case the likely outcome. I posted a while back, but things have gotten worse since then. It's difficult to chew my food and now it's hard to talk and hold a conversation.