I want to die I want to die I want to die...

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by friendless, Sep 3, 2011.

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  1. friendless

    friendless Well-Known Member

    I was going to kill myself today and was about to until I realized my family would be screwed without childcare for our two year old. That was the only thing that stopped me from doing it. My bf supports two adults and two children on $7 an hour. The daycare centers in our area charge about $850 a month-so without me at home to watch our daughter he would be in a miserable situation. The only reason we are not living in a car is because we live with his family and do not pay rent or utilities.

    The fact that we cannot afford childcare is the only thing keeping me alive.
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni


    Sending heartfelt hugs your way...Mr. A
  3. albion

    albion Account Closed

    I'm sure your boyfriend and family would miss you dearly as well. You are vital to their well-being. Wishing you the best :).
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    What of your child it would destroy her life if you left hun It would set your child up to be suidical as well when got older Please reach out and get some help okay. Call you doctor get on medication to treat your depression You child will always need you hun don't ever leave like that it would destroy so many lifes hugs
  5. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    What we feel and what we do are not always as one!

    Nor are they always a good idea.

    I feel a lot of things - but I don't follow through.

    As for economic troubles - money cannot buy love - a boyfriend or children.

    I know you feel useless - as a mum and wife sometimes - with depression its going to happen IF things build up.

    But of your keeping all this in - forget it.

    Talk to someone - even us here - and unload whatever your carrying.

    The situation you are in is not unique - all over the West as times get hard - people are living hand in mouth - having to endure and feeling down because i know what its like to be poor - albeit it as a single man which kind of makes things easy really.

    So try to see your husband as someone to talk to - and be honest with a doctor as you are with us.

    Hope some of this helps - its late here so got to sleep and wake up and what am I doing tomorrow?

    Well - my electric meter is running out! it is on emergency credit (we top up tokens for electric in the UK sometimes)

    I got bills to pay!

    "I came into town
    I was looking for a job
    I couldn't find nothing
    so i started looking for someone to rob"

    Hmm - suppose Bonnie and Clyding it is not the solution here.

    But something will turn up.

    Had a mate who lived in a tent in his exes garden.

    I mean - if she is your ex- and only has that welcome to offer - not even the sofa - you'd have to vanish out of pride alone!

    I've lived in places myself for sure.
  6. ames

    ames Member

    I wish i could help. I feel the same way. I'm afraid to ask for help because I don't want to embarass myself but I also don't want to put my family through the shame of having to bury me. I know it would affect them the rest of their lives but I've gotten pretty desperate. I try to plan things; things that will get me through 24 hour periods. I just wish I didn't have to make the decision myself.
  7. BornAgain

    BornAgain Well-Known Member

    God wants you to live God wants you to live God wants you to live

    You live in the US, try a Community Resource center, they can help you with housing, food and childcare, don't be embarrassed to ask.

    I will pray for your family tonight.

    God bless you.
  8. ames

    ames Member

    Please convince me I can do this for another 24 hours.
  9. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi, Ames. :hug:

    Is there anything you'd like to talk about here, in another thread, or in private? I'm here to lend an ear as a friend. ~ Sincerely, Alex ~
  10. ames

    ames Member

    It's a constant decision of whether or not I want to be here.
    I've already decided to call in sick tomorrow and get in touch with my doctor.
    I believe I may need to be in an outpatient program. The thoughts of suicide are just too overwhelming and the thoughts too desperate. I'm not okay. I need to seek help first thing in the morning. I very much appreciate, A, the thoughts and prayers. I'll keep you updated.
  11. ames

    ames Member

    Thank you.
  12. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I hope to hear from you soon about how it goes. I'm glad you've decided to try to make use of outpatient programs. Best of luck with everything. ~ Regards, Alex ~
  13. dylanblonde

    dylanblonde New Member

    Me to...very much so...however i have a dog who i just can't leave alone in this world and i'd never be able to take her with me,so i'm stuck here for the time being.
  14. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Welcome, Dylan. :hug: Sending kind thoughts your way.....Alex

    P.S. :grouphug: Hugs to all of you who posted in this thread.
  15. allison

    allison Well-Known Member

    I'm so grateful for having families we care about. Sometimes just the thought of their suffering if we were to leave them is enough to give us strength to keep living. And it's a reminder as well that you're a good person. Hope you never forget that.
  16. Off the mark

    Off the mark Member

    I'm on the day-to-day plan, as well. I so relate to that last sentence. It seems to me that whoever or whatever caused us all this misery should have the humanity to put us out of the misery. Suicide is messy. I pray for heart attacks, car wrecks, drownings, etc. But because I have been "blessed" with my circumstance, I am supposed to proudly and appreciatively plod along in this nightmare and suffer the whims of others.

    I hope we find a peace. I hope it's there to find.

    Not meaning to aggravate your frustration. I hope I haven't. Still, I wanted you to know that you aren't alone. I'm fighting the same fight.

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