I want to die (may trigger)

I'm so low that my hole I'm stuck in just lost it's bottom... I honestly dont see the point in living anymore. I have no friends irl, they all left me when they suspected something was up.

Basically, I'm 16. Ive been bullied for 12 years. I've been called bitch, fat, ugly, stupid, useless, dumb etc etc. I've lost two grandpants and a dog to cancer. I've been sexually abused /raped (depends on your definition) at least twice, but two different people. My mum found out about the second time and blamed it on me.

I'm expected to be perfect all the time. but, I can't do it. I just can't... I cant take the pain of life right now.

I need someone to listen, someone who cares. Someone who understands what it's like.

Right now, I don't want to live. I don't want to go on. I honestly feel like I can't handle life. Im constantly thinking ablutions suicide and self harm, and by myself I don't feel safe. I don't trust myself...

I'm crying out for help, someone, anyone??

 

I am sorry for what you are dealing with at the moment. I have some contact numbers of services that you can call to get help with the problems you have. I believe you are in New Zealand?

Youth Helpline
0800 37 66 33
They are a 24 hour free confidential telephone counselling service

or

Whats Up
0800 942 8787

Hang in there because honestly things can and will turn around for you. Keep posting.

Hugs x

 

Hi hun dam it is rough being a teenager Just hang on okay things will get better hun I agree you need to talk to a professional someone who can listen and not judge you. I am sorry your mom is not hearing your cries for help i think she is not wanting to deal with what she is hearing. Keep talking here okay im listening so are others hun You can pm me anytime you need to

 

I really need to reply to people

Acy: I have no idea why she blames me. Yea, I'm still in school and have tried the school counsellors. They ask you if you'd like them to call your parents.

Argentina: thanks for the numbers, and yes, I do live in new Zealand.

Total eclipse: thankyou. I may have to see a psychiatrist up at the hospital soon, and I'm really scared. I'm not feeling any better, but will continue to post. Thanks for listening to me and caring, its more than most people I know.

 

I've read you. And I think it is terrible what happened to you and the way your mum reacted is wrong. She should feel sorry for you and support you. Not blame you. No one, NO ONE, is to blame for these thing to happen to them.

Keep posting here! Here are people willing to listen to you and to care.

 

Hey Lauren, Welcome to the forums..You keep talking to us..We are listening.. I don't know if you noticed but there is a foum on here for people who have been raped or molested.. You might want to check it out..Take Care!!

 

I'm really sorry to hear whats happened to you. It's awful that your mother could possible believe it was your fault in any way.
I didn't enjoy being a teenager. I was bullied regularly in secondary school but once I left and went to college I met a ton of great friends and enjoyed the best 2 years of my life followed by many more years of happiness.
I think when you find your place in life and/or find someone to talk and listen things will get better for you.

I have only been on these forums about 20 minutes but if theres anywhere with people to listen and help then this seems to be the place.

I hope you find the help and support you need here or elsewhere soon

 

Hi Lauren, i am so sorry to hear what has happened to you. Some parents always like to blame their kids for things and make them look like a failure -just like my stupid parents! They call themselves our parents but they will never understand how we feel.. they only know how to blame us when things go wrong!
This forum is really my home. So many people here will understand how we feel and will always provide a listening ear when we need it. Please keep posting if you need listening ear. You can always private message anyone of us. My PM box is open to you. Stay safe, be safe and always come back here for support and don't harm yourself. :hug:

 

Thankyou for the support. it means a lot, it really does. I'm real low again tonight..

 

It is important that you do not think you are to blame in any way for what happened to you.

You have little control over your life now but soon you will have more, and will have the choice to get away from your mother and her problems.

Please continue to talk to us.