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I want to die (may trigger)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lost_Dashite, Jun 27, 2011.

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  1. Lost_Dashite

    Lost_Dashite Senior Member

    I'm so low that my hole I'm stuck in just lost it's bottom... I honestly dont see the point in living anymore. I have no friends irl, they all left me when they suspected something was up.

    Basically, I'm 16. Ive been bullied for 12 years. I've been called bitch, fat, ugly, stupid, useless, dumb etc etc. I've lost two grandpants and a dog to cancer. I've been sexually abused /raped (depends on your definition) at least twice, but two different people. My mum found out about the second time and blamed it on me.

    I'm expected to be perfect all the time. but, I can't do it. I just can't... I cant take the pain of life right now.

    I need someone to listen, someone who cares. Someone who understands what it's like.

    Right now, I don't want to live. I don't want to go on. I honestly feel like I can't handle life. Im constantly thinking ablutions suicide and self harm, and by myself I don't feel safe. I don't trust myself...

    I'm crying out for help, someone, anyone??
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Heya, Fairybread, I'm sorry to hear you're in such low spirits and difficult situations. :hug:

    Is there a chance that your mom simply isn't "ready" to accept what happened to you? I'm sorry she is blaming you when what you need her support. Are you still in school for the year? Could you talk to a school counselor about what is going on and what has happened? Many towns/cities have a sexual assault/rape crisis line that you might call. They could perhaps give you tips on what to do next and maybe even help you find someone local for therapy/counseling.

    In the mean time, I'm glad you're here on SF and posting. You'll find lots of people here who will support you, so I hope you'll continue to reach out here.
  3. argentina1908

    argentina1908 Member

    I am sorry for what you are dealing with at the moment. I have some contact numbers of services that you can call to get help with the problems you have. I believe you are in New Zealand?

    Youth Helpline
    0800 37 66 33
    They are a 24 hour free confidential telephone counselling service


    Whats Up
    0800 942 8787

    Hang in there because honestly things can and will turn around for you. Keep posting.

    Hugs x
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun dam it is rough being a teenager Just hang on okay things will get better hun I agree you need to talk to a professional someone who can listen and not judge you. I am sorry your mom is not hearing your cries for help i think she is not wanting to deal with what she is hearing. Keep talking here okay im listening so are others hun You can pm me anytime you need to
  5. Lost_Dashite

    Lost_Dashite Senior Member

    I really need to reply to people o_O

    Acy: I have no idea why she blames me. Yea, I'm still in school and have tried the school counsellors. They ask you if you'd like them to call your parents.

    Argentina: thanks for the numbers, and yes, I do live in new Zealand.

    Total eclipse: thankyou. I may have to see a psychiatrist up at the hospital soon, and I'm really scared. I'm not feeling any better, but will continue to post. Thanks for listening to me and caring, its more than most people I know.
  6. Jeserai

    Jeserai Well-Known Member

    I've read you. And I think it is terrible what happened to you and the way your mum reacted is wrong. She should feel sorry for you and support you. Not blame you. No one, NO ONE, is to blame for these thing to happen to them.

    Keep posting here! Here are people willing to listen to you and to care.
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Lauren, Welcome to the forums..You keep talking to us..We are listening.. I don't know if you noticed but there is a foum on here for people who have been raped or molested.. You might want to check it out..Take Care!!
  8. DanEngland

    DanEngland New Member

    I'm really sorry to hear whats happened to you. It's awful that your mother could possible believe it was your fault in any way.
    I didn't enjoy being a teenager. I was bullied regularly in secondary school but once I left and went to college I met a ton of great friends and enjoyed the best 2 years of my life followed by many more years of happiness.
    I think when you find your place in life and/or find someone to talk and listen things will get better for you.

    I have only been on these forums about 20 minutes but if theres anywhere with people to listen and help then this seems to be the place.

    I hope you find the help and support you need here or elsewhere soon :)
  9. Hi Lauren, i am so sorry to hear what has happened to you. Some parents always like to blame their kids for things and make them look like a failure -just like my stupid parents! They call themselves our parents but they will never understand how we feel.. they only know how to blame us when things go wrong!
    This forum is really my home. So many people here will understand how we feel and will always provide a listening ear when we need it. Please keep posting if you need listening ear. You can always private message anyone of us. My PM box is open to you. Stay safe, be safe and always come back here for support and don't harm yourself. :hug:
  10. Lost_Dashite

    Lost_Dashite Senior Member

    Thankyou for the support. it means a lot, it really does. I'm real low again tonight..
  11. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    It is important that you do not think you are to blame in any way for what happened to you.

    You have little control over your life now but soon you will have more, and will have the choice to get away from your mother and her problems.

    Please continue to talk to us.
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