I want to die,really my whole life is just a big failure

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by a.tosic, Nov 27, 2008.

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  1. a.tosic

    a.tosic Member

    Hi everybody
    I am a 14 year old boy from Serbia
    I have a disease called Alopecia,so as you might know i dont have hair
    I am not pretty at all i never had a girlfriend,guys from school kick my ass almost every day,this is happening from my first grade.
    I just cant live like this anymore,i really want to die but something in me just wont let me do it.I think i really need help
    Please Help
  2. DarnTired

    DarnTired Antiquitie's Friend

    Boy, that's really hard.

    I wish I could say I know exactly how you feel. I do know that I have been lonely and felt abused and neglected and that it would never get any better. I felt afraid to go to school and was treated like an outsider. I've also been lonely for a girlfriend for more years than I wish to remember.

    I am sorry about your condition and the fact that people in your neighborhood are not prepared to treat you like the ordinary person that you really are. Talk to whoever around you who will listen, your parents, siblings, anyone. Maybe they can help you feel less lonely.

    Welcome to the forum. There are nice people here. Maybe they can help.
  3. LostSpirit

    LostSpirit Well-Known Member

    hi there welcome to SF

    I know little about Alopecia, but i know it causes perm hair loss,
    Hair isnt something that makes a person pretty, i bet you have a big heart and are a nice person, people can b nasty, if you dont fit into what they call normal, but you should see yourself as different in a good way, would you really want to be like everyone else?

    are your family supportive? are you getting professional help


  4. a.tosic

    a.tosic Member

    Thank you all
    It is really helping me that there are people in this world who care
    I dont want to be like everybody else,guys from the school are verry bad persons and i really dont want to be like them.A lot of people say that i am verry intelligent boy.Before a month my "friend" almost impaled me on a pole(my kidneys),when we went to school manager he gave me a choice.If i said so they could transfer him to another school and lower his grades or i could save him from all this troubles and let him go like nothing happened.I decided to live him here,because even if he could kill me he was still my "friend"
    I am going to gym for about two months,i am seeing some progress but i still cant find a girlfriend.:sad:
    I am thinking of killing myself with some sort of medicine if thing's dont work out
    But still there is something that is making me go on,like there is a still part of me that wants to live.I care about my family pretty much and i just cant leave my father in pain.My mother is not living with us for 6 months.But she visits me for about three days somethimes(in a month or two)They are not divorced but they live like they are.....:sad:
    I guess my life is some kind of failure
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Your parents aren't your problem. They are adults and can make there own decisions. I know it is hard to hear stories from both sides. I would send you a photo but we aren't allowed to here on the forum. My head is almost bald.I have about an1/8th of hair on my head. You know what, I like it.It's nice and fuzzy. Do you have any friends at all or are you on your own? I hope things get better soon, and learn to care about yourself before you startcaring about other people.Good Luck!!~Joseph~
  6. Rangoon

    Rangoon Active Member

    Hang on in there my friend, you're having a tough time but I'm sure you will work it out. The hair loss must be really hard for you at your age, but be thankful it's not a life threatening issue. Regarding a girlfriend, I promise you 100% that will happen eventually. I was 22 before I had a girlfriend and it made me so depressed feeling unwanted by women, I felt ugly, but believe me once the first one comes along you will have so much confidence that you will have the choice of many if that is what you want. Trust me on that. The bullying must be hard to deal with, i never experienced it myself but there is a saying 'It was the north wind that made the vikings', which means that all these tough things that are happening to you will make you into a really strong individual as you get older if you find a way to learn from those events. I have every confidence that you are going to get through these tough times and go on to being a person that people will look up to because you made it through it all.

    Please don't go down the path of ending things, you're too young to leave this life. If you want it then you are at an age where you can still be anything in the world you want to be.

    Hang in there mate.
  7. Rangoon

    Rangoon Active Member

    Oh, and by the way you are not a failure. You're level of English is excellent, so you're obviously a really smart person to master a foreign language so well. I've been learning Russian for years and would give everything to speak it half as well as you speak English.
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey a.tosic,
    I was just thinking about you being bullied. I know you like to work out. What I am thinking is taking martial arts. I don't know if they have that there but if they do, you might think about that. It would teach you confidence and would help keep the bullies away. Hell once the girls see that a sencitive guy can defend himself against those others then they might start talking to you. It was just a thought. My intension was to help you gain confidence, and self respect. Take care my friend!!~Joseph~
  9. a.tosic

    a.tosic Member

    Thank you everybody,your words make me feel better.I am thinking of going to study box.My "friend" is training for month's and he is third in the school(by strength).I really need to fight the pain in my soul,i think i can win the fight over my soul,i wont let the devil win......yet
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi A.Tosic, I'm glad you are feeling better. Beauty is on the inside hun, don't let anyone put you down like those boys have done, you are better than them.
    I'm here if you need someone to talk to :hug:
  11. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    I'm amazed at how well you can speak english being from a foreign country. It's a plus these days to be smart at your age, since the majority are not :blink: and no one deserves to be bullied. It must be tough for you, and I'm sorry. I hope things work out for you.
  12. a.tosic

    a.tosic Member

    Sorry for not responding for a long time things were going somehow great i guess...
    I read a comment on my profile on BearShare,a boy i know was mocking me,he made me angry,he hurted me,he opened the door to "him"*,he is the person completly oposite of me,he is powerfull he doesnt care for others,he only cares to eliminate the oposition,to crush everyone on his way,he doesnt care if he days....
    Now i will start the path of darkness(of revenge)i will embrace him as much as i can,i am sorry for what i will do but there is no other way....
    Thank you good people for being there for me thank you....
  13. SpencerA

    SpencerA Well-Known Member

    hey welcome to sf :)
    i'm sure you're lovely. my ex boyfriend had the same condition and it never put me off him :) xxx
  14. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi hun. .. so glad you came here . you are so courageous to share. .. this is a very caring place - and i can see you feel 'cared' for already.

    on a deep level - i will tell you from a very ancient (45 yr old ouch!) perspective, that beauty comes from the inside. from your heart. from your soul.

    on a shallow female perspective level - i will tell you that guys with no hair, are really hot. ok. just sayin. and not being inappropriate -

    what it comes down to is this - beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

    this does not negate your tough school and bullying situation (yes, boxing is great. martial arts. awesome. as stranger1 suggested) i hope you can look into the beauty and love in your heart and soul - and then learn to love yourself, fiercely. when that happens. . . you can then show all your love outward. . . and the more you give, , the more you'll receive.

    stay here and we'll give you emotional support, and at times, good ideas..! and work to make small steps - to build the life that you want and deserve.
    we have faith in you, and we care about you. . . . :hug:
  15. a.tosic

    a.tosic Member

    Me again
    Got hurt by a person i really care
    She is/was my best friend,we were 4 years in the same class.I was thinking that she will be my best friend forever,but something happened...when i got back from a vacation,she was a different person....she wouldn't even come to see me...i tried to see her but she always had something else to do..i stopped talking to her....but i still love her very much she was my best friend after all..............feeling soo lonely
  16. I can assure you a girlfriend will not make your life better. A woman is the main reason that motivated me to consider suicide. Women in general are fine, but women in a relationship are pure poison. They seek to ruin men. Period.
  17. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I'm sorry she hurt you. Have you tried contacting her, maybe through email, to ask her why she's changed?

    Women in a relationship are pure poison. They seek to ruin men.

    Wow, that's pretty harsh. I'm sure there are some women like that, just as there are guys out there who treat women badly. But not all women (or all men, for that matter) are out to hurt the person they're with.
  18. PandorasToybox

    PandorasToybox Well-Known Member

    Women in a relationship are pure poison. They seek to ruin men.

    Ohhhhh booooyyyy, you better be joking! Don't even go there!!
  19. a.tosic

    a.tosic Member

    I think i found a way to get of this mess
    I am going to run away from this town,from this life
    I will go somewhere far away,simply this is too much for me to handle
    People are acusing me for the things i never done,for no reason it seems that here i only have a few true friends.
    I will probably leave on 25 august.I will inform you of my future life if it goes well....
  20. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    running away from ur problems doesnt make them go away but i can understand the complusion to do that I wish I could just run away some days... I'm in a shitty place right now so I dont know what advice I can give u but know that I'm here ifu need to talk....
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