I can't handle living anymore. I don't see the point. Where's the point of living a life full of pain and suffering and sadness just to die and be forgotten? I have no one that I can talk to, no one I can share my true feelings with. I cry every damn day and I can't take it anymore. My family doesn't understand. They assume I'm just depressed because I'm gay. But that's not it at all. Sure its tough sometimes, and I hate being in love with this guy who is my my very idea of my perfect man, except he's straight. I don't know why I feel this way, I'm 25 and should know better, but my heart hurts when I just hear his name. My whole life has been just one let down after another, and I just can't take it. I am void and incomplete, and I don't see a point in my existence. I would love to believe that everyone has a reason for being, and there's a grand design created by all-knowing deity, but I can't. I am not religious in any way. If we all die, then I want to choose how and when I go. My eyes are sore from crying so much. My note is written. I wish i had more time to tell my friend how I feel about him, but it wouldn't make a difference. I want things that I cannot have. Story of my life. At this point I'm ready to be recycled into the earth. I am just afraid of failure, and having to face people if i don't succeed.