My ex-wife hates me. Everything I do for the kids is wrong. Most Thursday nights I prepare a dinner ahead of time for Friday for the family. Last night I was really tired, so I bought some instant food at the grocery store, apologized to ex but said I was really tired. Then I went to my bedroom, watched a half-hour of TV (I swear, no more than that) and went to sleep. This morning there was a note waiting for me before I went to work, "Too tired to make a decent meal for your family, but not too tired to watch 2 hours of TV?" Also, my kids told me on the phone that the baby had a dirty diaper, but I was on the way to pick up my son from a lesson, and thought I would finish that and then go home to change the baby. By that time, ex was home, and the note this morning also told me how bad that decision was. We do not talk, and only live in the same house so I can be with the kids and because we can't afford to live separately. She thinks I'm a terrible parent, was a terrible husband, and thinks I passively aggressively make "mistakes" in order to punish her. If I explain what my real intentions are, she always has an argument as to why that can't be true. Now, I can't help but wonder, every day, am I really that terrible and mean a person? Incompetent and thoughtless? Hateful and evil? It seems that whatever I do is the wrong choice, and she always has valid arguments to back up why what I did was terrible. I feel so much shame, guilt, confusion, I hate myself, and I wish I could die! I can't, because I know if I ended my life, that would just hurt my kids more, and they love me for some reason. There is no way to get out of the trap of causing harm no matter what I do! I often find myself wishing that I had miscarried before my mother even knew she was pregnant - then I wouldn't have caused anybody any pain. I feel guilty just for using up air every day that I'm alive, and maybe the only thing that keeps me alive is that I would cause more harm if I were to end my life. Is there anything good about the fact that I exist? Is anybody out there?