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I want to die tonight....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by White Dove, Aug 23, 2007.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    My gosh , i want to die tonight... for real....

    Someone please help me not to do it???? please......

    my older brother has just hurt me so much right now , God why does he do this to me? Why??

    He calls me and says that he has something to tell me... that he has gotten saved , which is great so i ask him what church and he says pentacoastel , well then i ask him if they have inmstru,ental music and he says yes and starts playing instrumental gospel music , so i kindly ask him not to play it while i am on the phone because of my beliefs , well he turns it off then starts yelling at me , saying i am going to go to hell cause i do not listen to that kind of music and so i quote him a few verses from the bible where it is wrong to play that type of music and he just hangs up on me...

    God i really needed to talk with him.. Why does he do this? why does my freeking family do this to me...

    Peanut where are you? are you online? hun i need you i thinking really hard about taking all i got and going to sleep and never waking up.... I cant stand it anymore.. i really did not need for him to hang up on me... i was not judging him just giving him a verse or too..

    see my family dont care i am hurting..

    i want to die i really want to die..

    please someone help me to keep the promise i made to my nieces and stay just long enough to take them to church this sunday cause i dont think i can .......

    i really want to just end it , no joking.. i really want to just die...
  2. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    God i cant take this..

    im outta here..

    i just cant go on

    sorry everyone.

    i give up.

    i freeking give up

    Daltons dont care

    family dont care

    i am gone
  3. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I'm here sweetie :hug: Please don't do anything. NOBODY can tell you that you are going to hell but God and it was wrong of your brother to say such things. I have read about the COC not listening to music of that sort. I don't believe it is a sin, but I respect your beliefs and your ability and willingness to stand up for them. I don't know why your brother got so bent out of shape over the music thing. It seems like a trivial reason to start an argument and slam down the phone over.

    But please Susan, hang in there and call the cancer center tomorrow and get down here :) Every day matters.

    I'm so sorry you can't find the support you need from your family. That hurts. But God is with you and he will take care of everything you need.
  4. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    I just dont see why he did it..

    that hurt me.. him slamming the phone down on me.. that really hurt me...

    i wasnt judging him... i was just giving him some verses from the bible and thought he could or would give me some verses back on why he thinks like that,

    i was so glad to get a call from him , but did not need to hear that..

    my family sucks.

    they totally suck..

    I think they dont think i can or will do it, well let them think that way cause im doing it.. they will see , everyone will see that i did it.... i cant take it anymore and i dont think i can wait anymore either.

    i have had it , i honestly have had it..

    cant fight anymore.. cant take it anymore...

    God , if only the daltons hadnt left like that, if they had at least just sent a card then i would have known that they loved me , that someone out there truly loved me... why couldnt they? they knew how i felt about them... why did they hurt me? why? why ? why?

    Why did my brother hurt me? why did he have to slam the phone down? God , why ?

    the pain is enourmouse right now, too intense , just too damn intense.. i cant do it i cant..

    i just cant....
  5. Mr Wiggs

    Mr Wiggs Member

    Dove homegirl just calm down what are you getting so worked up about?
  6. KavithaB

    KavithaB Member


    I know it would have hurt a lot. But please don't get it to affect you so much. Try to get over it. So many people do not even have families is it not? Your brother will understand some day. For the moment forget the incident and try to live your life.

    Drop me a PM if you want to chat.

    Take care,
  7. Lostpath

    Lostpath Member

    Hi white dove, you are not alone :hug:...your brother was very wrong to hurt your feeling like this:furious:...have you tried to make him understand that he hurt you when he behaves likes this?
  8. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    doesnt matter..

    im going to die in a few sorry
  9. Lostpath

    Lostpath Member

    :eek:hmy: Hey white dove, as I said suicide is not the solution to problem :nono::noway: I'll tell you what reaction you must have towards your bro...:massmoon:...okay, you don't have to care about what he said...sorry if I am talking like this about him...please don't mind what he told you.
  10. Lostpath

    Lostpath Member

    White Dove, where are you???please do not do anything like what you said, because this will remain as a regret on my conscience that I couldn't do anything for someone who said that she'll end up her life..please..i'll see it as I'll be in a way responsible your action!!!!:unsure::sad:
  11. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Susan no. You know I care about you. Please do not do it. You must know that God has a special plan for you...you heard his voice, you saw his angel...
  12. Lostpath

    Lostpath Member

    I think that the best will be to talk to your brother and make him understand how he hurt you and what u are about to do because of him!!!
  13. Lostpath

    Lostpath Member

    Peanut is absolutely right, please consider the advice!!!!!DON"T DO IT!!!!:sad:
  14. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    you would not be responcable for me doing it... okay??

    that is my choice.. not yours

    and yes my sister in law who lives next door to him called him back and told him he hurt me and you know what that SOB said or rather did??? he just laughed..

    they think its freeking funny cause they dont knowe the pain im in..

    i cant freeking sleep tonight for the physical pain of this cancer plus its too dag gum hot cause my dang air conditioner is not working at all and its like 100 inside this camper....

    I have so much emotional pain that i must be totally nuts... blackness has informed me that why others dont believe i will actually do it is because i have said it or rather set dates but didnt do it , well duh , wonder why???/ because i could never get the dang free time to do it.. everytime i tried something came up every single frreking time..

    peanut , perhaps it was him , well i want that peace back.. there was no pain , i mean no pain and an unbelieable sence of love and i want it back.. i have even prayed ton God these last few days to just take me, just take me away from all this stupid pain.

    away from the cancer pain

    away from the pain the daltons put on my heart , away from the pain my family puts on me .. i want my mom

    my real mom and i want to go to her , i miss her .. i really miss her.. i want auston.. i miss him... i miss them all. i want to see my grand daddy.. i was 2 when he died and i want to meet him.. i miss everyone.. i really miss them all.

    cant you see? cant you understand?

    my mind , my spirit will never be free , it will never be free , it will stay troubled because the daltons want to keep me in bondage , well i am going to break that bondage myself.. just because they are rtefusing to talk with me to help clear my mind so i can die in peace does not mean i have to stay here and hurt more..
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