I don't know how much longer I can keep going. As I have gotten older I have realized that my life is becoming more and more difficult, and there dosen't seem to be any payoff. I can't go on living anymore, my life has just been one fuck up after the next and no matter how much help I get, I seem to be getting worse. I have nothing to look foward to in life, no family, no friends, no career, just one failure after another. Whenever I reach out to someone for help, it always ends badly and I am put into a worse postion then when I started. I don't deserve to live, I don't deserve to go on, I just want to go numb. I want to stop feeling pain, I want not to feel so miserable every wakeing moment, I want to just die and get it all over with.