I think... once I can get over that fear of causing pain to my loved ones, I will be able to just do it. How do you get over it? Is there a phrase I can repeat to myself? Should I think of all the bad times all the time? I guess I do have a way. I could just run away from here and everything I know, then not contact anyone for a long while, then kill myself. But what if, what if I do that and the life I have apart from this life is a much better one? Then it would have been worth it. Why does that urge to want to die come so easily? Why do I not have the will to want to just live like everybody else?