I'm pretty sure there's never been anything I've wanted more in my life. I don't want to eat, I don't want to do anything except collapse into some kind of shadow. Everything feels like a waste of time. I don't think my brain is like everyone else's. It feels like my sole purpose is to buy <mod edit-gentlelady-methods>and then maybe everything would be ok. I wonder how anybody deals with this and why anyone believes I should have to.