I want to die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by winduptoy, Nov 16, 2014.

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  1. winduptoy

    winduptoy Active Member

    My fiancee is sick of me and is trying to find a way out of the relationship so she can have sex with other people and, I assume, eventually settle down with someone who's better for her. I won't break up with her because I'm still so in love with her, but eventually she'll end it.

    I stayed alive this long for her. Without her I have no reason to live; nothing else makes me feel anything but boredom, numbness, loneliness, emptiness, whatever. I'm 31 years old, too old to start over with someone else, and no one else would want me anyway. There's too much wrong with me.

    I just want her to love me again. But I know that's not in my control.

    I want to end it all but every time I start to succeed, I freak out and abort the attempt. I immediately regret it as soon as I do, so I don't think it's that I really want to live, it's just instinct.

    I really want to find a buddy to end it with. I feel like that would help me be able to succeed. I posted on Craigslist for my area but the post never showed up; I think they delete such messages. I know I can't ask for that here and I won't.

    I know how I want to do it. (A way that can't hurt anyone else, and that has a high success rate; I know discussing methods is against the rules so I won't be specific.) But I can't seem to do it right. How much of a failure do you have to be to not be able to die?
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. You are important and remember that. At the moment you are low but remember you are not suffering alone. We all suffer in many ways on this forum but we support each other through the tough times. Relationship are hard and getting over them is harder. I plead with you not to do anything as life is important and so are you. Yes, you are feeling low and your whole world is turned upside down. But remember is it worth taking your life. The simple answer is NO and YOUR LIFE IS IMPORTANT. I might be a stranger but I DONT WANT YOU TO DO ANYTHING AT ALL. I understand you are fretting now but REMEMBER YOU DESERVE SUPPORT LIKE ANY OTHER HUMAN BEINGS. Please keep posting for support and care YOU DESERVE. You are IMPORTANT to US.
  3. Jasp

    Jasp Active Member

    If you're so sure that you won't find someone else, then remain single. I'm 27, have had an accident this year and will therefor suffer intensily for the rest of my life and never be in a relationship again. I accept. I surrendered myself to life. Life is a gift beyond most of us can imagine. The fact that your instinct tells you not to end your life is a wonderful thing. Can't you already see that you're more than this suffering entity? Read about people who've had near-death experiences after they tried to commit suicide, there are plenty of cases on youtube or elsewhere on the internet if you're desperate. Find out that life is a gift, take responsibility, save yourself, guide yourself to a stable place in life. Read my story if you like, it's in the "success strategies area" posted a view days ago.
    I've gone from a low place in life to a skyrocketing high place in life, back down into a hellish nightmare and against all expectations up again to stability. If only you knew about the possible turns life can take and the power of accepting that which does not turn your way...
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    How about getting yourself strong going for therapy getting help you need to show your fiance you are willing to do the work to become mentally healthy again
    You cannot expect others to take care of you or have them be your soul reason for staying that is not fair to that person
    Get on meds do some therapy and get yourself healthy for YOU ok do that and perhaps she will see a stronger you
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