I want to die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AngelofPainandMisery, Jan 16, 2016.

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  1. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Fails to communicate effectively

    I want to wake up and not exist tomorrow.
    What do I have to live for?
    Nothing
     
  2. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Fails to communicate effectively

    Who cares
    No one does, I should end it, stop wasting time trying to get better when I can't, I'm a waste. Who cares anyways.
    I should die and be done with it.
    There is no "getting better," there is no "things will change," it only gets worse. And Im tired of getting worse but who cares. I deserve it.
    I am tired of this.
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I am really, really sorry that I did not see this thread until now hun. It must have got lost in the flow of posts. I CARE. I really do. You are just as important as the next person. I'm sorry you got no replies here, sometimes people just don't know what to say but i'm here and i'm telling you I do care and if you ever want to talk, PM me. You are special :)
     
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Lots do care and they will get better. Soon you will be old enough to make your own decisions about things. Your life may suck now, but that is living by somebody else's rule sand doing what /how they say. When you are an adult you can make some of the choices for yourself. Give yourself the chance to try it your way before killing self over the way others have made you live your life.
     
  5. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Fails to communicate effectively

    Thank you, I'd like to talk but I've been robed of that ability by social anxiety, so I'd never know what to say to start or keep a conversation going, and Im too depressing no one wants to talk to someone this despressing.

    I'm not sure how much longer I can go on living this way. I hate it, I hate every minute of living half alive- surviving- not living. It's just so pointless, I can never get better, it won't matter how much I try and wish. I've had a therapist and psychiatrist for well over a month and I see no diffrence, I'm getting worse, I can't get the treatment I need because it doesn't exist.
    I can barely motivate myself to get up in the morning, how am I supposed to find the will to live when it's a daily struggle to not kill myself.
     
  6. AngelofPainandMisery

    AngelofPainandMisery Fails to communicate effectively

    No, when I turn 18 I get to deal with all the crap and having to scrounge up money to either keep me in or out of a facility. It sounds stupid and childlish-but I don't care anymore- I can't take that kind of responsibility, no matter how much I kid myself that I can. I can barely manage school, how am I going to make it in college, I can barely function through life, how am I going to be able to live? The future I see is being in a mental hospital the rest of my life, being homeless, in an abusive relationship with someone I hate, deep in debt, broke and bankrupt, dead, or some awful combination of all the above. I don't have anything to look foward to when I "grow up" I get to look at a life of poverty and dependency, because I can't take the stress or deal with the anxiety of living. I read an article a long time ago about studies of poverty and stress, people that ended up in poverty didn't end up like that because they didn't work hard enough, it was because the stress load was too much. That's where I am, except I don't have anything going in my favor, I'm not smart, I have no special talents, nor do I have family money, I get a life of complete failure. No diffrent than what I have now, a half life, a total waste.
    I can barely get out of bed in the morning, how am I going to manage a job, bills, morgages, etc. my mom already thinks I'm going to be living with her forever I'm so incompetent.
    And I'm pretty sure my way would be terrible, I wouldn't know where to start or what to do. My way is suicide -because I have no other options, I wish there were but there arent. It's just a matter of time.
     
  7. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Well actually are a gazillion options and I could point out more examples of real life and even just here on sf than your could read in an entire day showing all can easily change, but in the end , you are right. If you decide you want to do nothing and you decide it is not worth any effort to make anything better and to play the victim card - victim or poverty and life circumstance and "know" that nothing will change without ever having tried - "know" the outcome of all before starting it will in fact be difficult. Because the only way you be correct every time about the outcome is by intentionally choosing it to fail because you would prefer to be "right" rather than happy. I do not believe that you actually believe that either and if venting gets out frustrations and anger and allows you to function by all means do. But if you are trying to convince yourself you are right and trying to justify a choice than I actually think you have already demonstrated you are far too smart to believe any ony of that true and know there are many options and ways for things to get improve but I will admit it is scary to think about being afraid of failing is normal. But so long as you are actually making effort to make things better than self destructing intentionally they will in fact get better from where you are. That is choice, so "no options" is very much crap. Some choices are hard, some are scary, but you would niot have made it this far were you not capable.
     
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