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i want to die

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i want to die,
sink so low,hide in the dark
all i ever do is cry,
my lifes dead and so is my heart.

holding on is a lie.
i had hope,i used to pray
i want to end it all and say goodbye
mabey ill find the courage today.

2 years ive been sinking in this rut
theres no one left i can call
i wonder how deep i dare cut
i just wanna end it all
i dont know why thats still there, how can i call myself a writer when i havent writen for almost 24 months.

i write what i feel passion for i supose,, and i dont have passion for anything other than ending my life at the moment.

i couldnt do christmas,,, me' queen of the lightshow and choclate santas ,, me i couldnt do christmas......

im numb inside
Feeling of hopelessness and being lost are not unusual for someone suffering with depression, some people find help in surrounding themselves with people and objects that make them feel a little better. Friends are always good to have around, I appreciate that its easy to suggest things but i do empathise with you about how you are feeling. It seems you have been given a talent to write, try and force yourself to write about something that may make you smile
thankyou zaitsev for you praising comments,,,,finding optomising is just,,, very hard at the moment,, although i do try.
i had a little good news today though,,,, the next few weeks are going to be so hard,, so crushing and life changing that i cant see through them,,, but sometimes,, the smoke clears enough,, for a glimmer of hope,, however minute.
hopes just it, i loose sight of th hope,, but just because th hope is thre ,, it doesnt mean luck will be on my side does it.....
still trying,,,, the only thing i have time to write when in th mood is report after report,,,and notes on transcripts,,, court documents,, letters,,,,,, all kinda overwhelming
Finding something good in everything you do is tough but helps, you say you are too busy to write anything of you own due to work, then take pleasure in the fact that doing this writing means that you are doing your job well, that your work has a purpose and can make a difference to some one no matter how small. The fact that no matter how you are feeling, you understand the importance of your work and that you still are able to prioritise.
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