Dear John... you seem to be stuck in a dead end, with no one near you that can support you. With all the great things internet provide us, it is still very limited.
For what it's worth, we're here if you need to talk, or to give you a friendly word of encouragement. I pray that you are able to get out of that deadend, that you find an open door and make it through not only alive, but also having learnt precious lessons about this life.
Every situation is unique, but even with all the differences there may be, i know how's that feeling. I've been through a similar situation, had lots of family problems, and thought constantly on how to end my life.
I have survived... and even though i still have some downs nowadays, i'm glad to be here, and i know that whole nightmare i have gone through has taught me a lot about life, and has given me precious lessons on what really matters in this life, making me enjoy every single moment of it.
I hope you too will survive to find happyness somewhere along the way, cause i have no doubt that you deserve it...
If you don't loose your hope, and find something you can hold on too... you will find it....